


Some Kind of Justice

by someactionshavenoend



Series: Parcours [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Dissociation, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Nightmares, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Trauma, Trust Issues, Winter Soldier Trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-08-19 23:10:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 25,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20217838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someactionshavenoend/pseuds/someactionshavenoend
Summary: “there was no future: there was only a continued slide into still more terrifying versions of the present.”― John le Carré, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, SpyThe other shoe finally drops - someone's found out where the Winter Soldier is. Do not pass go, do not cause an international incident, go straight to trial. There might be a few more steps than that, but this kind of fight isn't the kind that Steve, Bucky, or any of their friends are used to. And just as everything else, it's going to be more than a little bit messy.The third in the Parcours series.





	1. Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Steve's thoughts on the matter at hand - the matter at hand being his and Bucky's relationship, whatever that means.

The thing is, neither of them have mentioned their relationship, in any form to the rest. Steve thinks Bucky hasn’t said anything because of the intensity with which he guards any and all secrets. People still aren’t allowed more than a few steps into his room, which really does make sense. Steve, on the other hand, is just a coward. Because he  _ knows.  _ He has a (mostly) functional brain that can process these things. He’s seen that - and here he has to skip over a few terms that he’s been informed are outdated and derogatory - that gay people still exist and can exist in public. Gay marriage is legal, for fuck’s sake. He was awake for it when that happened. He’d hidden for the day because he didn’t want anyone asking him any questions about his response or attempt at lack thereof. He hadn’t been out of the ice too long at that point and the world still had felt a little unreal. So he’d hidden, he’d done research, because Steve does actually know his way around a computer, thanks, but the thought of saying something about himself is terrifying. 

There’s proof, real concrete proof from most of the other Avengers, that they’d probably be fine with it if he did say something. Tony had even made a joke about Steve and Bucky - well, he’s done that more than once. But Steve couldn’t find the courage to smile and say  _ Well, you know what… _ .

He wants to. He wants to enjoy the freedom that other people have, even if it’s clearly still fraught by controversy, if the news is to be believed. 

But that chance, that chance that they’d all stare at him and he’d get the modern-day equivalent of a blue slip shoved at him paralyses him whenever he’s with his friends and he thinks that maybe he wants to say it. Steve doesn’t like being afraid. But Steve doesn’t mind carrying a burden to keep Bucky safe, so that’s how he rationalizes it. He’ll have to talk to Bucky anyway, because telling anyone without permission would be a massive breach of the life that he’s worked so hard to construct. Maybe Steve’s projecting there. Maybe not. Maybe he should listen to Sam, who has taken to pronouncing that the lot of them are dumbasses who need to talk more, which is entirely true, admittedly. 

So he’ll be as happy as he can. Doing things slowly seems to be the name of the game - Bucky’s not back together yet, and he’ll never be the same guy Steve knew in the Depression. Steve’s getting used to that. Despite the image, he’s not all that idealistic, but Bucky had been the one person who’d technically been through the same shit he’d been. It would have been nice to have someone who really understood. But that didn’t happen. Not right away, and that had weighed on Steve more than he’d thought. 

But now. Bucky’s got his memories. Decades and decades and decades of them. Most of them are bad - the majority of his life he’d been tortured. But the good memories mean that the two of them can lay on the couch together on good days, that Bucky’s the most likely to allow touch from Steve on worse days. Steve can take that. He’s got him back as much as seems possible for the moment. He’s got to take the wins where he can. 


	2. Well, Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's that shoe I was talking about. Things start, as they are wont to do, to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings. 
> 
> Just as a note, you can assume that not too much time has passed since the end of Sto Per Andare. Enough for everyone to get settled, but not long enough for anyone to truly relax.

“So we’ve got a big fucking problem,” Tony says. “Might want to get James in on this, if he’s close by.”

Bucky is, in fact close by, so Steve gets his attention and puts the phone on speaker. “He’s here.”

“So, the long and the short of it is that someone talked. Some asshole decided they’d run their fucking mouth about Barnes here. I can’t say who it was because I don’t know yet, but I am going to fucking find out whether or not they’re on my payroll.”

Steve can see this potentially going longer rather than shorter. “So what happened?”

“I get a call from at least two intelligence agencies telling me that harboring a criminal is a federal offense and if I don’t want to lose everything I’ve ever had that the man needs to be turned over to them. Interagency communication doesn’t seem to be up to par, since they both wanted him. I just got off the phone with the third one, which means we all need to move fucking  _ fast  _ before they stop being passive-aggressive and they start getting search warrants and door-knocking-down-aggressive.”

“You’re not -?”

“Steve, if you ask the question I think you’re going to ask, I’m going to disown you. No, I’m not giving him over to anyone and I’m not going to ask you to turn yourself in, James.”

Bucky grunts. Steve starts to worry harder. 

“What I want to do is to make this public somehow. Because I think we all know that they’re tidying up a black site as we speak. And they can’t do that quite as well if we let people know.”

“But won’t that put all of us at risk? Especially James?” Steve isn’t sure what’s going through Bucky’s mind right now, but he doesn’t seem like he’s able or wanting to communicate it. 

“Yeah. HYDRA’s probably got their sniffers out and HYDRA’s probably in all of these organizations. Or so we have to assume. There’s no way to win without someone knowing he exists. Well - I mean, I guess you could go on a road trip around the world for the rest of your lives, but that doesn’t seem ideal.”

“No, not really.”

“Steve - and James. This is really shitty. Like, I’ve had so many fucking scandals and this isn’t anywhere near the level of what this is going to be. But I know how to play the media and if the government of this country, and as many countries that want to extradite him, have control over the narrative, there will be no way to win any case we make and we will all go to jail. We know what happened to him. No one else does. But actually, technically, it’s public domain or close enough. So we need to point people in the right direction. Get public support, get a lawyer, and we make the case that if he is to be prosecuted, the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth will have be a part of it.”

“Okay.” Bucky says, finally. “You can do that. HYDRA has the CIA. I remember. Tell them that I’m here. You have the experience. There will need to be a plan. They will come. Legally and through the windows.” He’s gone back to short sentences, which is never a good thing. It means he’s falling back towards the programming. It’s a coping mechanism, Sam says. 

“You’re right, Tin Man. I’m gonna call all my press buddies and tell ‘em I’ve got something to say. I’ll say it and then we’ll have those fifteen minutes of shitstorm to start getting things together. I don’t know how this is going to go. They may want to lock you up.”

Steve doesn’t want that. 

Bucky nods, hair falling from behind his ears to cover his face. “I will go,” he says. 

“Tony - can’t we -”

“I don’t know, Cap. I really fucking don’t. There’s uncertainties out our ears here.”

“But he didn’t -”

“I was there,” Bucky says. “I am not innocent.”

Steve drags his hands down his face. 

Tony somehow senses that Steve’s about to go on a rant, even without being able to see his face, cutting him off before he can even begin. “It’s not going to be an easy case. And I don’t think there’s any way around it. Maybe there is, but I got nothing. You heard the man - there’s no way to insist from where we are right now that he’s innocent.”

“Fine.” Steve says, and it’s not fine. But there’s no way to fight his way out of this. “It’s not right, though.”

“You’re right about that one, buddy, but the court needs to  _ see  _ that it’s not right.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

“Look, I get it. But if nothing happens now, there’s bound to be other countries that want to get him.”

“There will be,” Bucky says. “They’ll start looking for things. And they will find them in the documents you put online.” Steve’s not sure if Bucky’s blaming Tony for this mess. Probably not. Bucky still isn’t great at that. “This...it’ll happen one way or another. Here is,” Bucky’s talking, which is good, but his tone’s a little flat. He’s clearly not doing great. “Here is closer.”

“Okay,” Steve says, with a sigh. “It’s your choice.”

“I mean, really it’s the dumbshit who talked’s fault,” Tony cuts in. “But sure, we can deal with it here. I’ll get the ball rolling then. I’ll let you know when and where you can watch the world go insane. Sound good?”

Bucky nods.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Steve says. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I like pissing off the government. See ya.”

Tony hangs up after that, and Steve looks to Bucky. “This is -”

“I’ve committed a lot of crimes, Steve,” Bucky says. “I’m not really surprised people are after me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell, I have no idea how long this is going to be. I've got several chapters written, but I'm going to be adhering pretty strictly to 1 chapter per posting day, just so I can get this written at a rate that you don't have to have a long wait somewhere down the line. Obviously, today's different, but Chapter 1 is a little strange in terms of actually fitting into the story.


	3. Dive Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's thoughts

Bucky’s had a good few months. When Stark had called and Steve had motioned him over, he’d realized that at some point the good had to end. Good might be a little bit generous - he’s had nightmares, he’s lashed out, he’s skipped out on appointments, among other things. He can’t control it sometimes, and his brain still tells him that he’s an idiot for ever expecting to have control over his own life. It’s been hard, but Steve’s been there. And that’s nice. He’s had food and his own room, and Steve gave him a new journal when he hesitantly brought it up. 

And as for him and Steve having a relationship like either of them remember? It’s been difficult. Because some days Bucky doesn’t want anyone to touch him. Losing the pain of the old arm gave him hope, but it couldn’t heal his brain, no matter whether or not he got all his memories back. He’s still apparently  _ traumatized.  _ Which is bullshit. A kiss doesn’t solve everything. He wishes it would. But instead they’ve had to be careful.

And he can joke about it all he wants. He does, and Steve laughs about half the time and looks concerned the rest. Sam’s got about the same ratio. When he sees Natasha, who sometimes drags Clint along, they get it a little more, but other times she’ll fix him with a dark look and step on his foot. And then there’s the other times when he says things seriously because someone  _ asked  _ and he’s got answers and Steve just looks at him like a kicked puppy. Bucky had forgotten that getting bones broken for experimentation hadn’t been normal. His brain doesn’t fucking work. Sure, it works better than it did before, but more memories just means that he’s got even more hands touching him, prodding him, cutting him apart when he closes his eyes. 

But now they know where he is. Okay, they don’t know where he is, if they were calling Stark about it. But they know that Stark knows he’s alive, which probably means that they’ll come after the rest of the Avengers eventually. It probably won’t take long before someone connects Steve with all this, given that he was the one involved in all the DC bullshit. 

Which leads him to now. He will go to trial. He will not make it out of that unscathed. He knows how many he’s killed. 

He killed people. He knows this. There is so much blood on his hands. 

She told him that he was a victim. Bucky doesn’t think that’s right, even still. He did this. He was trained for this. He killed people during the war. He is not innocent. He doesn’t want Steve to suffer for this. Because Steve is -  _ the mission - _ to be protected. Bucky deserves to suffer for this. 

He also doesn’t know how he’s going to get through it. 

They will show him what he’s done and he will have to look at what he’s done outside of the images in his brain and they will condemn him and - it will hurt.

Maybe they were right. He shouldn’t have forgotten. Pain is only pain. 

Steve nudges him. The slurry in his head doesn’t let up its rush. Bucky doesn’t flinch. He’s fine. For now. Tomorrow will be a bad day. Tonight will be a bad night. 

“It’s a lot,” Steve is saying. “We’re going to stand by you this whole time. We’re going to make sure you’re okay, that they see what HYDRA did to you. They’re not going to fucking win this.”

Bucky tries to think about what the right answer is. “Thank you.” The words rush around in his head, but they don’t sink in. It’s too hard to think sometimes. “They might. I did everything they will say I did.”

“You were being tortured, Bucky. You know that, right? You’ve talked about that, right?” Bucky has. He’s still not sure he was a victim. He doesn’t want to talk about this. 

“Sure.”

Steve at least senses that he’d rather not talk. He leans his head onto Bucky’s shoulder, careful of the seam between flesh and whatever weird metal Stark made the arm out of. It doesn’t hurt, but Bucky’s a little iffy on contact there sometimes. “Whatever happens will happen,” Steve says eventually. “But I’ll fight for you the whole way. Don’t tell me not to.”

Bucky makes a vague noise. It’s nice, even if he doesn’t deserve it.


	4. Tell The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get started. A slightly cryptic phone call is made.

Tony could do a press conference in his sleep. He’s definitely done them drunk, so you’d think that he’d have this shit down. He does, usually. But this is so far out of his area. Like, how do you say  _ Yes, I am in fact harboring a wanted fugitive. But get this! He was actually brainwashed and tortured for decades so even though he killed my parents, I’m chill with him.  _ Maybe that would be best, actually. Simple seems to work reasonably well when it comes to shit that’s definitely something that could get him hauled before Congress. Again. 

Because of that possibility, he’d called Pepper about this, so that she’d at least fucking  _ know  _ that he might be going to prison. She’d sighed a little. A lot. She’d lectured him too, on this. But she’d helped set up the whole surgery thing, so at least she wasn’t going to argue that he should just hand James over to the authorities. Well. She was definitely smart enough to know that Tony was calling about something he’d already decided. He’d agreed that he’d deal with the fallout and not toss all that shit on her. Tony’s a dick a lot of the time, but he’s trying. 

So he sets his shit up, before every alphabet soup decides to come knocking. He figures they’ll give him a little bit of time to think it over before they act, but he doesn’t want to push it. 

When he walks out, he gets flashbacks to when he announced that he was Iron Man to the entire world. At least this isn’t a whim. 

“All right, everyone. You’re going to have questions pretty much immediately after I open my mouth. Don’t ask them until the end.”

Deep breath. 

“Hours ago, I was contacted by several government agencies that will remain nameless for the time being. This was not Avengers business. This was because I was being accused of harboring the man known as the Winter Soldier. I would be charged myself if I did not hand him over.”

Yeah, he can see the room react to that. Hands go up. He stares until they go down. 

“The thing is, I know how these agencies work. This man would not be put through a fair trial. This man would be very quietly taken to a secret site and he would never see the light of day again, much less plead his case as he deserves to. So the answer is yes, I am harboring the man known as the Winter Soldier. But I will not be handing him over because I know this will not get anyone the justice they deserve.”

That gets another reaction. The hands go down faster this time.

“I am telling you this because I know how the system works. I am telling you this as someone directly affected by the man known as the Winter Soldier’s actions. I am telling you this because this man deserves a trial. This man deserves a trial because he is an American citizen. This man deserves a trial because his choice was taken away from him. This man deserves a trial because James Buchanan Barnes was taken captive in 1944 and was systematically tortured and brainwashed from then until the events in DC.”

There’s some squeaks from the audience. 

“What I’ve told you is not a secret. What I’ve told you can be verified and studied. What I’ve told you is all part of the data dump that appeared on the Internet after the events in DC. I refuse to deny this man justice. I refuse to turn him over. I called you together to tell you this because I don’t think that you’d want to see a man who’s been a prisoner of war for seventy years denied the justice he deserves. Thank you.”

Yeah, that’ll start a shitstorm. Tony’s rolled the dice and he’s just going to have to see how they land. 

The questions come immediately, like a wave crashing after drawing back the sea. There was that one moment of anticipation before everyone in the room starts jostling to be heard, to be called on first. 

  
  
  


* * *

Tony’s phone rings a minute after he leaves the conference. Yeah, looks like he’s in trouble. Oops.

“You just confessed to a crime, asshole.” Yeah, that’s Fury.

“Civil disobedience?” Tony’s pretty sure that an answer like that isn’t going to fly. 

“Dumb move,” Fury counters. “You all work for me and now I gotta make sure you assholes don’t get put on more watchlists.”

“So, what I’m getting from the first few seconds of this call is that because you didn’t ask me to turn him in right away, you aren’t gonna make me do it. Can I assume that?” 

There’s a pause, during which Tony is pretty sure Fury’s rolling his eye to heaven and back. 

“Maybe I’m just a realistic man,” he says finally. “If I told you to do it, would you? No. And then I’d have to hunt you chucklefucks down, which isn’t gonna go well either. I pick my battles, Stark. And I got enough of those dealing with big boy shit like the repercussions of Rogers and his buddy running wild in DC. So no, I’m not gonna do anything to make you give him over. But don’t expect any goddamn support from me either.”

Fair enough. “Okay. So you just called me up to tell me I’m a dumb bastard?”

“Mostly. Also some advice: whatever lawyer you get you need to get someone who’ll be able to fight extradition. Your lawyer needs to be good, Stark. I know you got all that money, but you don’t want a snake. You want someone more than just competent. And you need to know all this shit, too. Or Rogers does. Someone. The Winter Soldier can’t fight this alone.”

Tony thinks that some of this is pretty clear, but at the same time, Fury knows what he’s talking about. He’s started thinking about lawyers, and Fury really does want a point. There’s people who’ll want to take this because it’s high profile. That won’t work out. There’s people who will go into this thinking he’s guilty - that’s a lot of people. There’s probably at least a few lawyers with freaky affiliations or ones that could be persuaded to change their affiliation. 

“Thanks. I’ll think about it. That’s our next step - finding someone.”

“Yeah, well, maybe Rogers had a point during one of our talks. Watch your backs.”

Fury hangs up on him, which Tony probably deserves, since he’s pretty well known for doing that himself. Well. That was a little bit inscrutable, a little unhelpful, but not an entire loss. He’s going to take that warning seriously, and he’s going to start drawing up lists of firms to look into. He’ll have to vet this the same way he vetted surgeons for James’ procedure. He can probably get Steve to do that with him. He can look all American Justice-y at them and maybe that’ll weed out some of the worse ones. 

He’s got a contact number for Natasha - she could do some digging, Though Tony’s not a hundred percent certain what the fuck she’s doing now that she’s gotten cleared by the government. She appears sometimes, disappears, probably goes to see Steve. He doesn’t bother tracking her. She’d just get mad at him and he really doesn’t want that. 

His next call is going to have to be to Steve, to set things up, start thinking about how this is going to work. Maybe to a judge or something. He doesn’t know how to make them start criminal proceedings without an actual arrest or something. Do you just show up at a federal court house like ‘hey please prosecute me for crimes against humanity? Thanks’? Definitely a call to Steve and then they can start the lawyer hunt. Someone who actually knows what they’re doing will know how to set that up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Later than usual bc we’re traveling again and I forgot to post it this morning lol. 
> 
> The phone call portion used to be chapter 5 and was called Ring Ring, It’s Judgement but for pacing reasons I combined it with this one. 
> 
> Hate to leave you on a cliffhanger but get ready for things to start happening.


	5. Watch Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sam watch Tony's announcement. Sam has opinions on how all this is going.

“Hey, Tony told me where we can watch his speech or whatever. Do you want to?”

“No.” Bucky doesn’t want to do much of anything. His life’s falling apart again. He’s got no control. So this is the control he’s taking. He’s still on his bed, though, which is a decent sign. 

“Okay…” Bucky just wants to stare at the ceiling and pretend like he doesn’t have a body. It’s not a great coping mechanism, but he doesn’t think he’s in danger at the moment. So he hasn’t called it in. He wants to deal with shit himself, too. “I’m gonna call Sam.”

That gets Bucky’s attention at least just a little bit. “I don’t need a babysitter,” he snaps.

“ _ Hey _ .” Steve’s not having that. “He’s my friend. I just want him over because this whole thing is some fucking bullshit and I want the company. I’m not replacing you, I’m not asking him to watch you. I know you’re capable. I just want him here too, especially because he’s gonna freak out anyway about all of this. I’ll see if he’ll stay for dinner, so if you’re up for that, he’ll probably be here.”

Bucky goes back to the ceiling. “Fine.”

\---

Sam gets calls from Steve all the time. And texts. The guy’s pretty good at all the future technology, which is annoying in terms of low-hanging fruit to tease him about. He doesn’t often get calls from Steve sounding like the world’s fucking ending, though.Still, it seems fairly warranted. Sure, the sky’s not falling in, but that sort of thing seems to be Steve’s normal anyway. 

Sounds like Barnes is in some shit, and really Sam shoulda thought about that, but he guesses that they were all kinda focused on the one-two punch of finding James in the first place and then getting him a new arm. But fuck, all that shit was just there for him and Steve to read, so he guesses that’s just free evidence against the guy. 

So yeah, Sam’s gonna go over to Steve - and James’ - for some dinner and some light announcing of the end of the fucking world and he’s gonna be a good friend. It can’t be going well for either of those two, especially with the way that Steve looks at James when he’s even just having a rough day. 

James isn’t out in the main room of Steve’s apartment when Sam arrives, which is cleared up almost instantly by Steve.

“He went to his room. I told him you’d be here, that you’d probably stay a while. I don’t know whether to expect him out or not, but he’s definitely not gonna watch Tony’s thing with us.”

“How’s he doing?”

“He said he’d expected this, so I’m thinking not great. But he snapped at me when I asked him whether he wanted to watch it, so he’s not completely out of it. I’ll ask when we eat if he wants something, make sure he’s still in there.”

“Can’t really expect this kinda news to go down well.”

“No, not at all. Fuck. We’re gonna deal with this. No one’s taking him away again.”

Sam recognizes that tone from their world tour, and he  _ believes  _ it.

They let that pass, though James is pretty much the elephant in the room, given the whole situation. They get all set up to watch Tony’s thing, which Sam has got to say is a pretty damn compelling speech. It’s gonna be fucking trending, at the very least. People pay a whole lot of attention to everything that man does. 

“Shit, he’s really not pulling any punches is he?” Sam says, somewhere in the middle of the speech. 

“I guess not,” Steve says, sounding a little subdued. “Holy shit. I don’t even know where to start.”

Once it’s done they order some food. 

“What I don’t get is why everyone came to Tony about this instead of me. I was the one who found him and all that. I’ve been hanging around him the whole time, but they called him up. I haven’t gotten shit about this from anyone.”

“Yeah that does seem pretty weird. They figure out who talked?”   
  


“I haven’t heard anything about it. I guess it’d have to be one of Tony’s people, ‘cause it’s not like James and I really go out places where we’d be recognized. And if we had been, they’d have come to me.”

“It still sounds like some fucking weird shit.”

“Hopefully Tony’ll find something. He said he’d try and find whoever it was. I mean, judging by the reception of the whole ‘he’s Bucky Barnes’ thing, a lotta people weren’t expecting that.”

“Yeah, I don’t think peoples’ minds really jumped to 'Captain America adopted the guy who tried to fucking kill him in DC'.”

“Well, when you put it like that,” Steve replies, with more of a smile on his face than Sam’s seen all night. Sam’ll count that as a win. 

The food arrives - Sam gets it and Steve goes to ask James about eating with them. That apparently comes down to a solid no, given that Steve comes back looking like a kicked puppy. 

“I’ll save some for him,” Steve says, doing his best to ignore the issue at hand, which is something Sam just fuckin’  _ loves _ . It’s not really his job to fix everyone’s problems, but goddamn does Steve make it hard. 

But Steve doesn’t need a deep conversation right now. Sam’s gonna say something later, he thinks. Just to be sure. But right now, they need a decent meal together.

\---

“I’m going to go talk to James before I leave.”

“I’m kinda worried.”

“That’s why I’m going, man. I’ll take some time with him, see how it’s going. Might take a while. I want to make sure he’s going to get through the night okay.”

“You think it’s really that bad?”

“I don’t know. I want to make sure. This is a huge deal, and there’s no way he’s unaffected by it. I hope it’s not, but I’m gonna to go see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting up! We're entering a phase of the story with loooong chapters, so get ready for that.


	6. Real Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam talks to Bucky, gets some things clear. Bucky's not doing great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm - neither is detailed.

There’s a knock on the door. Bucky makes some sort of noise. It’s Sam. 

“Hey, man. Shitty day.”

“Yeah. It had to happen one day. All my shit was out on the Internet.”

“Still sucks. How’re you dealing?”

There’s the fucking concern. Bucky wishes he could be angry about it. “Fine.” 

“Doesn’t sound fine, asshole.”   
  


“I don’t wanna think about it. There’s nothing I can do anyway.”

“Maybe not right now, but there’s people who are doing everything they can do make sure you don’t get anything less than what you actually deserve.”

“New York got the death penalty?” Bucky’s not trying to be a piece of shit, but he’s stuck and that makes him irritable. 

“What’s the stuck point for you, man?” Dammit.

“Fuck off, you’re not my doctor.”

“What’s your stuck point, James.” God  _ fucking  _ dammit. 

“Fuck you.”

“James, either we talk about this or you call your doctor, because this is not helpful, okay? I know none of this is good. I know you’re probably feeling like shit, having everything brought up again, but I am not seeing you in the hospital again. Tell me you don’t trust me with this information and then tell someone who you do trust or you’re really not going to like the rest of the conversation.”

“Fine,” he snaps, still staring at the ceiling. “I hate you. But I’ll fucking tell you if it’ll get you off my back.” He hates this. He just wants to lay here and think about what he doesn’t deserve. “This was my fault.”

“Thanks. What do you mean by this was your fault?”

“You said you’d shut up if I told you.”

“I didn’t. I said tell me or you wouldn’t like what happens next. I’m a crisis counselor, James. This qualifies and I’m not leaving until you stop doing exactly what you did before you tried to kill yourself.” Bucky thinks that might be a little bit strong. 

“I knew I would be hunted and I still came to you. It’s my fault that this is a situation.”

“Did you intend to draw us into this situation?”

“No.”

“Did you know at the time you freed yourself that legal prosecution was going to happen?”

“No.” He always feels stupid about this. “But I -”

“So if you didn’t know and you didn’t plan on involving all of us in this, how is it your fault?”

“Because I was there! I’m responsible for all the crimes that I committed. I did them and I knew I did them and I should have known that this would happen because that’s how laws fucking  _ work. _ ”

“I don’t think we can work through all of that right now, but do you think when you - let’s say, the day before your got your memories back - do you think that you had the ability to think that far into the future? Was there any indication that people were going to find out?”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Not really. And no. Stark said he’d make sure people didn’t know.”

“And did you announce your presence to the world?”

“No.”

“So if people found out, then you didn’t tell them.”   
  


“I guess, but my presence - I’m still here. You’re all in danger because of me. Shut up, Sam, I know.”

“I won’t ask about the last part. I’m just trying to help you get through what you said a few minutes ago. What does holding onto this belief do for you?”

“It - I mean, it’s true, isn’t it?”

“Is it? You just said that you didn’t announce your presence to the world with the intention of sparking a controversy.”

“I didn’t, but - I should - I’ve ruined everyone’s day.”

“James. This is me as a friend. Me and Steve? We’ve both dealt with a lot of bad shit. It’s a setback, sure, but I don’t blame you for this. This isn’t the worst day of my life. And I know you might think that’s not fair of me to say, but I’m not mad. Steve’s not mad. Take a breath, okay? I don’t think this is your fault and it would be good for you to not think it’s your fault either.”

“Fine. It’s not really my fault that this happened,” Bucky says. He’s not fully convinced, but he does think that helped. “I’ll talk to the doctor about this at my next appointment, don’t worry.” Now he’s just sulking. 

“Good. That’s good to hear.” It does make Sam get off his back, so that’s nice at least. “One last thing. Are you thinking about or considering harming yourself?”

“Fuck  _ off _ .”

“James.” There’s something in the tone that hurts, that makes Bucky worry that his mind is about to slide off a cliff into a deep well. 

“Please don’t order me. Please. Please don’t make me.”

“Okay. I hope you’ll tell someone if you think your mindset is changing. It would mean a lot to me and to Steve. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says miserably. “Thanks.”

“I care about you, James. Goodnight.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Bucky lasts on the bed for only a little while longer after Sam leaves. He knows that this is a pattern or whatever and that he should probably try and think about why he’s doing it, but he can’t right now. He’s got to pull the blanket off the bed and sit in a safe corner to get through this. It has to happen. He grabs his journal as well, because that’s going to make things better, too. 

* * *

“How was he?”

  
  


“He’s doing about as well as you could expect. Keep annoying him. Let him know you’re there. He’s in a shitty mood, but that’s what you’d expect.”

Steve nods, seems to be mulling that over. 

“And you, asshole, you need to fucking take care of your own self, okay?” That gets a smile, and goddamn Sam really needs some less fucking  _ sad  _ friends. That’s a lie. He likes Steve and James a whole lot, but he sees a lot of himself and the people he’s worked with in both of them. And he cares a whole lot about his friends, so it’s fucking sad. 

Steve gets a hug for as long as the both of them can manage before Sam heads out for the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explanation of warnings:   
Sam mentions Bucky's suicide attempt (starts at "I didn't. I said tell me" and is just that one line)  
Sam asks Bucky if he's going to hurt himself (starts at "Good. That's good to hear." and is only that line)


	7. Who You Gonna Call?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony (and Sam from afar) get the whole process rolling.

“So what do we do?”

Tony’s spent the rest of yesterday drawing up a list of every goddamn law firm in the city, apparently. They’re video-conferencing over a connection Tony’s sworn is secure, because he’s  _ definitely  _ being watched, and there’s no need to lead anyone to anyone else’s door. 

They’ve definitely bought time, though. Steve’s checked every possible social media as well as the actual news, and there’s a whole lot of hubbub. But they all know it can’t last. Hence this meeting, which Bucky agreed to attend, even if he’s mostly been just sitting there, watching. He’s too alert by far, which means that he’s freaking out but being quiet about it. That’s not good. But he ate this morning, and was grumpy when Steve knocked on his door, so he’s not all gone. They’ve been experiencing the anger stage of things for a while now, and it’s tiring, but there’s only so much to be done. Bucky’s allowed to be angry about things, and he’s pretty careful about not letting it get out of hand most of the time. 

“Your flyboy not here?” Tony asks. 

“No, he had work and I wasn’t gonna pull him away from another job. But he’s been read into all of this. I could see if he’s got any lawyer connections. What’ve you got, though?”

Tony shrugs. “Might as well ask. Even if I’ve got a fucking sweet algorithm, I guess you can text your flesh buddy about it. Not like humans are fallible or anything.”

Steve rolls his eyes and sends Sam a text. He doesn’t get anything back immediately, but that’s to be expected. Normal people have day jobs and that sort of shit. He’ll hear back eventually.

“I took off firms that don’t take this kind of case. And then I knocked off people I  _ knew  _ were assholes. And then when people called I took them off, for the most part. There’s some that I kept on tentatively, but they’re on thin ice. Eager beavers don’t always work out.”

Steve’s never had a lawyer before - well, that’s not quite true. SHIELD had something going on, and he had to do some meetings to figure out how to get himself undeclared MIA, but that was all arranged for him. But back growing up? Absolutely not. 

“How many fucking lawyers are there in this city?”

“Believe me, Steven, you don’t want to know. I’m trying to run a search to find people who might be manipulated into doing something that we don’t want. It’s not easy, but I’m really fucking good at programming. And I don’t give a shit about respecting laws at this point.” Tony switches subjects at the speed of light, probably hoping to catch Steve by surprise. “By the way, Fury called. Told me to watch my back  _ and  _ he admitted that you might have been right about something. Do you have any idea what you said? Because that’s like, the highest praise that man gives, I think.”

Steve frowns, trying to think about what Fury might have meant. “Maybe my objections to Insight? That’s the only thing I can think of. He was dead a lot of the time I saw him last.”

Bucky makes a noise in the background. Steve turns. “I did that,” Bucky says. “That’s a charge.”

Sounds like he’s in full on self-flagellation mode, then. “Good thing he didn’t die,” Tony says before Steve can start on anything. “‘Cause who know, maybe they could call him as a character witness.”

Bucky snorts, but doesn’t continue whatever line of thinking he was on. Tony turns, back to the video camera, checking some board that now has information on it. Steve’s phone vibrates, and he thinks that he hears the near silent rustle of what he’s learned is a flinch from Bucky. He’s really not having a good time with this, and Steve can’t see that clearing up until this is over. When the call’s over, he’ll offer some mindless baking show and see if Bucky wants to lay on the couch with him. It’s the least he can do. But first, he checks his phone - it’s Sam, thankfully, with the name of a firm that he’s heard good things about. 

“You go first,” he tells Tony. “I got something from Sam, though.”

“Alright. The shortlist is ranked by a bunch of shit I won’t go into since time is of the essence, but in theory the top ten should be the best way to go.” And then Tony rattles off the names, one of which -

“Hey,” Steve says, breaking off the stream of names that’s growing more and more like a phonebook and just as boring. “That one you just said? Sam told me that.”

Tony turns back, a little bit dramatically. “Well, I guess we’re gonna have to look into that one, then. Never heard of it. Don’t think it’s big, judging by their debts. Oh - they’re new. Had one big case, but not much after that. Pretty clearly not in the pockets of the guy they put behind bars, so I think maybe we’ve got our people.”

“Assuming that’s the case, do we just - go and talk to them?” Steve has no idea how this is supposed to work. 

“I think so, yeah. They’ll be able to tell us how to get the case started without getting James snatched up by the feds, and I’ll dig deep into their backgrounds. I can call, since I guess I’m James’ PR team now. That’d be great. I’ll go with you, for sure. Hey -” Steve turns to Bucky. “Do you want to go to the initial talk? I don’t know if we’ll go with them, but they seem pretty good.”

Bucky shrugs. “You talk to them first. I can...wait in the car or something until you’re sure. It would be better to have fewer people see me.” That’s definitely true. “I can listen to it and let you know what I think, like text you.” He’s clearly thought this through, which might be a good thing - means he’s not lost in his head.

“Call ‘em,” Steve says. “Let’s get this shit moving.”

“Got it. I’ll text you the details. Remember - don’t fucking talk to anyone and pretend like everyone’s out to get you.” Tony cuts the call before Steve can say anything snarky about already knowing that. 

“It’s like he forgot all the shit you pulled in DC,” Bucky says. 

“That’s just how he is,” Steve replies, not sure why he needs to defend Tony. “If you wanna watch something, we can. I wasn’t gonna leave this place today, just ‘cause of all the bullshit happening.”

Bucky stares at him like he’s trying to see through to what Steve’s actually saying, but he doesn’t get up and disappear into his room, just nods. “Fine.” He doesn’t sound surly about it either. Maybe the fact that they’re actually getting somewhere helped things a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's exactly who you think it is. Originally, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do for the lawyers, so this chapter kept it vague. I then made a decision and didn't feel like reworking the chapter. But yes, your guess is almost certainly right.


	8. Lawyer Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lawyers are met. Decisions are made.

Steve has Bucky plan out how they’re going to get to the point they agreed to meet Tony’s car. It gives him something to do, but Natasha’s given him enough shit about how badly he does ops shit that he knows he might as well trust the professional to do it right. It’s a delicate game, and Steve worries that he’s shoving Bucky back into his old status, but he gets a shove and told to stop worrying about it when he says something vaguely apologetic about the whole thing. 

Concerns aside, they get to the meeting point very subtly, though he’s pretty sure Bucky could have done it a lot cleaner on his own. Tony pulls into the parking garage - okay, Happy pulls into the parking garage with Tony in the front passenger’s seat. Bucky and Steve get in the back, both clearly a little bit cramped. But it’s better that Tony didn’t show up in a limo. Too much visibility is exactly what they’re trying to avoid. 

The drive over doesn’t take too long by city standards, and as they’re parking, Tony passes Bucky an earbud. “So you can listen in. Play nice with Happy.”

Bucky, for all the tension that Steve thinks is present, puts it in his ear and leans back, in an almost leisurely manner, phone out. “I can deal with you, so I think I can deal with anyone,” he says, opening up Snake. Tony pouts at him, but gets out of the car with Steve. 

They make their way to the address. It’s really small, according to Tony, who’s been to actual big law firms before, apparently. They walk on in and are met by a woman who says her name is Karen. Tony explains the situation and she tells them she’ll go get the partners. It’s a short wait, because it’s not like anyone has to come from across a giant building, so neither of them bother sitting down. She reappears, waving them into an office.

There’s two men waiting, one with a white cane and red glasses, one with long-ish hair and a carefully concealed nervousness. 

“Matt Murdock,” says the one with the glasses, holding out a hand. “And my partner Foggy Nelson.”

Steve and Tony introduce themselves, and everyone sits. 

“You didn’t go into details over the phone,” Murdock says. “But I heard the news. And listened to your interview. Is that what you’re here about?”

“Got it in one,” Tony replies. “We found your names through a couple sources and decided to check you out. See if you want to take this case. Once it becomes a case. That’s part of why we’re here, actually. But anyway, we wanted to see what you guys were like.”

Murdock gives a small smile. “Naturally. That’s understandable. What do you want to know?”

Steve takes that question. “What do you think about the situation? Would you be able to represent him without thinking about what you’ll get out of it?”

Murdock turns slightly more towards Steve. “I think it’s unfortunate. I don’t have all the information in front of me, so I don’t want to make a judgement based on nothing, but the way Stark represented the situation made me think that you want Barnes to be seen as someone who deserves a trial and won’t get one. That’s what we do. You’ve probably looked into our case load and seen who we take on as clients.” Steve forgets and nods.

Foggy deals with that easily. “He just nodded.”

“Sorry,” Steve says.

“It’s not an issue. Apology accepted. You probably came to us because we clearly take on people who no one else will take on as clients. We’re both relatively new to this business, which is a risk for you. But to tie this answer to an answer to your second question, if we were to take him on as a client, he would be treated with respect and the only thing that I would want to get out of the situation would be that he is properly represented and is allowed all the protections and rights that he is given under the law.”

“No offense,” Foggy cuts in, “But we would also like payment.”

“I got that,” says Tony. “You’ll be billing me and you’ll get paid. Just give me your rates, and that’s not an issue.”

They ask a few more questions, back and forth, but Steve liked these two from the beginning. 

“I think,” Murdock says finally, “that we would be willing to take this case. If you’re satisfied.”

Tony looks at Steve. “What do you think?” Steve’s not sure it’s directed at him. Steve gets a text. 

“It’s a go.”

Tony nods. “We’ve got the gentleman in question with us, if you’d like to meet him. He’s willing to meet you.”

“It would be beneficial to include him in discussions about his case, yes,” Murdock replies, that half smile again. 

“I’ll text him.” Steve’s pretty sure the speed at which Bucky gets there is slightly more telling of him having gotten out of the car a little earlier, but that’s not their problem.


	9. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets his lawyers. It becomes clear that I know nothing about law.

“Nice to meet you, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Hello,” Bucky says. It’s times like these that he really thinks about how few people he’s had to deal with since he came back to Steve. He  _ should  _ be getting out more, but he doesn’t really have any friends besides people that Steve knows. Store clerks aren’t much of an interaction either. And so meeting people who are going to be asking him questions about all his shit is kind of a big thing. So he’s been watching all of them since he got into the room. 

“What would you prefer us to call you?”

“James.” It’s the other man who asked that question, but Bucky’s still watching the first one. He knows that he’s blind, but it’s the way he carries himself. There’s something there. He’s the only one that’s a threat. He’s trying not to be. Bucky can tell, and he wants to know why. But he’s not going to ask here. 

“I’m Matt Murdock, and this is Foggy Nelson. We’ll be representing you once we figure a few things out.”

“Yeah, Steve said.” Bucky takes a seat as he’s gestured into one. It’s not secure. The windows freak him out a little bit. He’d rather be in a more protected part of the room, but he can’t focus fully on that right now. He needs to listen. He always needs to listen. He can’t lose information because someone might ask, and if he can’t remember he might freak out. “How do we start this?” He might as well ask.

“Typically, proceedings begin with an arrest, either at the scene or from warrants. I have no idea if there’s any specific warrants in your name, but my guess is that if you turned yourself in and told them who you were, they’d figure something out.”

“So he has to go to jail?”

“There can be no proceedings without charges. Something has to happen. We can work on this, given the sensitive nature of the case. I might know how to make that a smoother process.”

Murdock is clearly the ones who takes charge. Bucky watches both of them, and the woman who’s sitting in on this. The way she holds herself...there is something there. He tries not to stare too openly, but he also knows that they will write it off as him being himself. That’s true, but he’s not staring off into space or trying to intimidate. There is a lot they still can’t read on him. 

“How do we deal with extradition?”

“Well, there probably haven’t been any actionable requests yet, given that he hasn’t actually been arrested. But when that happens, they may come. What I think would be the best course of action is to act on several things: he turned himself in here, which reveals intent; we assert that as a citizen of the United States he is guaranteed the right to a fair trial and that there may be a question about that happening elsewhere, depending on the nation attempting extradition; I would prefer we didn’t use this option, but there’s also the fact that some of his alleged crimes may be within a US jurisdiction and therefore prosecution here would make a certain degree of sense. I don’t know if we’d be able to make a political exception argument, but we could certainly try. So - say that the requesting party would treat him as a political prisoner. The last two items are risky, but there are sound arguments that we can make to a judge when the time comes, given more than thirty seconds of preparation.”

Bucky listens. “Using whatever arguments you need would be most productive, even if they are not preferred.” He doesn’t like giving orders. It hurts him sometimes. He could advise, at some point in his life, and so he uses the careful cadence of that voice that he remembers. 

Murdock looks - turns to him. “I understand. But the way we set this up is important. As much as anyone may try to be impartial, it is easy to accidentally influence things one way or another.”

“Okay.” He had wondered if Murdock would try and get into ethics, but he’s smart. He’s dangerous. Bucky doesn’t trust him, but he’ll have to give as much as he can, because someone dangerous is exactly what he needs for this, if he’s going to go through with it.

Murdock continues. “I don’t know what exactly the trial is going to be like. There’s no real precedent for something like this. I think there’s a lot of arguments to be made and we’ll have to be ready to use any and all of them. I think the focus will have to be on his status as a POW and his brainwashing.”

Bucky listens to that, but doesn’t cut in. His own beliefs won’t help here. Maybe they’ll ask in a later meeting, but he doesn’t need to say any of it yet. 

“Since this is a bit of an outlier, I’m going to talk to someone I know and trust about getting the ball rolling. I’ll contact you with more information, if you’ll give me a good way to reach you. I will not break privilege, but I would like an opinion.”

“People will find out what’s happening eventually,” Bucky says. “I don’t object.” He gives his phone number before Steve or Tony can react, though he also throws in Steve’s since his phone can actually manage photos. 

They stand, more hand shakes, all of that. 

“Thank you.” That’s Steve, because Bucky left his manner behind with half his brain and Tony was raised in a barn. 

They leave, and Bucky keeps quiet until they return to the car. 

“Murdock is dangerous,” he says, once they’re moving. “I like him.” He then refuses to elaborate, which probably drives everyone insane, but he doesn’t have to share more information than that, and he doesn’t want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I know pretty much nothing about how the legal system works. I did look up some stuff online, but there's no way I'm going to be accurate about all this. There's going to be some stuff in the coming chapters that deal with the process, and I really do not care how wrong it is.


	10. Exposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a lot happens, and the lawyers start to get the process moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is called Exposition because that's what it is.

There’s a collective sigh of relief once they hear the three men leave. Karen comes back into the office, having shown them out.

Foggy turns, facing Matt now, no doubt. The scrape of his shoes and his heartbeat indicate his agitation. “Well, Matt. Every time I think I’ve seen pretty much everything I thought I can see, Captain America, Iron Man, and apparently the Winter Soldier walk into our offices. How the fuck did they even think to find us?”

Karen shrugs, the fabric of her blouse shifting. “I don’t know. Stark called yesterday, but he didn’t say what made him call.”

“I know we talked about this yesterday, but why the  _ fuck  _ did we say yes to this?” 

Matt smiles, in what he’s told is a very annoyingly zen manner. “He deserves a fair trial.”

“He was staring at you. More than the rest of us. Seemed twitchy,” Foggy says. Matt had gotten most of that, but it’s interesting that Barnes would focus solely on him. He hadn’t been the only one talking. But maybe - he wonders just how perceptive Barnes must be. 

“I would be too, if I was being threatened by several intelligence agencies after allegedly escaping a Nazi organization that allegedly brainwashed me.” Daredevil had never run into HYDRA, as far as he knew. He would have remembered Barnes.

“You don’t think he knows?” Both Foggy and Karen seem nervous. Understandable. 

“I don’t think so. Maybe he suspects something, but I’ve never met him.” But this isn’t really their concern for the moment. “Stark mentioned documents put on the web after the events in Washington. We need to know those backwards and forwards. And I think we need to start refreshing the Geneva Convention.”

Foggy gives a nervous laugh. “I guess we’ve never had to deal with an alleged war criminal. I just - this is gonna be - I don’t even know. Are we crazy for taking this on? Is no one else thinking that we might be crazy?”

Karen echoes that nervous laugh. “I think we might be crazy. But it’s not like you guys don’t have precedent for  _ that.  _ I can start trying to get all the files together tonight.”

“Sounds good,” Matt says. “I’m going to ask for advice on getting Barnes arrested. I was thinking that if we could get Brett to take him to the station and keep an eye on him, we might be able to pull that off without giving him over to strangers.”

* * *

Matt calls Barnes the next morning. “I’ve got some news for you. I can tell you now, or we can meet.”

“We should meet. Do I need to bring anyone else?”

“You don’t have to. You may, because this affects the whole plan, and I get the impression that your friends are going to be a part of this process, but I would not say that it’s strictly necessary.”

“Okay.” Barnes doesn’t elaborate on whatever decision he’s made. “Same place as last time?”

Barnes is paranoid alright. Matt can appreciate that, but he’s got questions that he  _ will _ be asking. “Same place.”

“I will be there. Thank you.”

“No problem. See you then.” Matt hears a small huff of laughter before Barnes hangs up. There was no set time, but he expects that Barnes - and potentially Rogers or Stark - will be showing up sooner rather than later. 

* * *

Sure enough, Barnes is there in under half an hour. Karen and Foggy come into the private room behind him. Barnes sits in a much different chair than last time.

“You’re going to be taken into custody. There needs to be an arrest and charges, and that means showing up at the police station and turning yourself in. There’s no way around this. We need to make every action exactly the way it’s supposed to be, or I get the sense that someone else is going to swoop in and take charge.” Barnes’ movements are incredibly minimal. His heart rate sounds similar to Rogers’, and his gait had been lopsided, but he makes very little noise when he walks, and Matt suspects he could make less if he wanted to.

Barnes takes a moment to respond. His voice is soft when he does. “That is understandable. And how shall I proceed with this?” 

“As I said, you’ll have to turn yourself in. As it happens, we know an officer who’s a decent guy -”

Foggy interrupts. “His mother has a certain liking for -”

“So you bribe him. And no one else will?” Barnes is smart. His heart rate remains the same, even at the interjection. He’s either very good at keeping calm or he actually is, and Matt’s willing to bet it’s the former.

“As far as we know, no. He could have been - there was a corruption case before, and he stayed on the right side of things. We grew up with him. It’s not the cleanest of associations, but I’m telling you this because I want you to trust our actions. If you go to him specifically, he has agreed to watch over you while you’re in police custody.”

“I will do that. Where do I meet him?” The thing about Barnes is that he’s smart, but Matt keeps waiting for him to ask big picture questions. He’s not, and he doesn’t know what it means. He’s only asking about what will directly affect him next. He’s going to have to start getting through the English files that Karen found. 

Matt gives an address. “Once this happens, you will be taken to the police station, booked, and they will draw up charges within 48 hours. There will then be an arraignment where you’ll be read the charges and enter a plea. We will talk more before that.” Things are moving quickly, and he wants a lot more time with Foggy and Karen and those files before they do anything rash. 

“Okay.” There’s something there, hidden, that Matt can just barely sense. 

“We’ll know for sure at the arraignment, but I get the feeling that you will be refused bail, judging by the charges that I can guess they’re going to throw at you, given that evidence suggests you will be charged with felonies. That means you’ll have to spend time in jail.”

Barnes’ heart rate changes violently. He does not move, though, and the change to his breathing is barely perceptible. Matt will ask Foggy if his expression changed later. 

“They will come for me.” He says it, and his heart rate returns to rest, like he somehow took ten seconds to come to terms with something. It doesn’t stay that way, though. 

“What do you mean?” Foggy gets it in before Matt can. 

“HYDRA is wounded but they will return. Cut one head off, two will grow in its place. They are not gone. And I am their greatest asset. They have people everywhere.” That affects everyone in the room. Matt sighs, because this is going to complicate things by a  _ lot _ . Shadowy government organizations are not his specialty. 

“I don’t know what we can do about that. I can make the case to the judge at your arraignment, but I don’t know if they’ll want to let you go. I can ask for you to be put in a protective arrangement of some sort, but that will be solitary confinement, so you have to be okay with that.”

That doesn’t go over well. That freaks Barnes out. He takes much longer to respond, and takes a very deep breath somewhere in the middle of deciding what to say. “That is acceptable. I will agree to that.”

“It’s not a good option,” Matt says, trying to be calming and probably failing. “I don’t like it much, but that’s the only sure option I can offer you. I’m sorry. It’s not a consolation, but I can arrange visits as much as possible.”

“He nodded.” Foggy. “Maybe we should take a break for a minute. Come back and we’ll set up you and Brett’s meeting. Sound okay?” A pause. “He nodded again.”

“Sorry.” Barnes’ voice is whispery. 

“It’s not a problem,” Karen says. “Here, I’ll show you the water cooler, which is probably the least exciting thing ever, but might as well take a walk.”

There’s a shuffle and Karen and Barnes leave the room. 

“He looked a little pinched from the moment you mentioned jail. Solitary and his eyes went big and he got pale for a second. He’s not going to do well through all of this. I started going through the DC papers, and none of it looks good. I think even if HYDRA doesn’t try to get to him, he’s going to start falling apart the longer the trial drags on. I thought -” Foggy’s voice lowers - “I thought maybe there was some possibility of him being a plant, but no one plans the way he looked that scared about prison. And he just accepted it.”

“Yeah,” Matt says, thinking. “We should ask him about the DC papers. And set up the arrest. But you’re right. This is going to be difficult. He’s got friends, but he’s going to need a lot more than that. Fuck.”

He hears Karen coming up the hallway again, the slight off-balance way that Barnes walks becoming clearer when she opens the door. “- sure, but how old are you actually?” she’s asking. 

“27, I think,” Barnes replies, as if that doesn’t put him firmly younger than all of them. She gives a little squeak at that, and he can hear Foggy’s quiet gasp. Shit. He’s not  _ just  _ a kid, but he’s damn young. Too young for all the shit that has clearly happened to him. 

“We’ll set up the meet in a moment, but we wanted to use the DC papers that were released onto the internet after the events in Washington. Would your friends happen to have translations of any of them?”

Barnes takes a seat. “Yeah, I think they do.” He sounds a little better. “I think translations were made of anything mentioning me. They can send them to you, if that would help.”

“It would. Greatly. We’ll have to share it with the prosecution, but we need all the facts of the matter, and I think they would help our case.”

“I’ll set that up. Do you have an email address or would you prefer paper?”

“Email is fine. We’ll probably print it for trial purposes, though.”

Barnes gives a huff of a laugh. “Stark can pay for that. I’ll have him send it both ways.”

The rest of their meeting goes smoothly enough, though Barnes is clearly concerned about the future. It’s understandable. Matt tries to be as to the point as possible while also not being terse. 

Finally, he leaves. 

“He’s  _ twenty-seven _ ?” 

“I guess so. He said he wasn’t really sure, but he said that he was 27 in ‘45 before he disappeared.” Karen sounds wobbly. 

“So he was born in ‘17 or ‘18? What the fuck? What the  _ fuck? _ ”

“And now he’s facing at least two felony murder charges, plus whatever they throw at him for Washington and whatever they’ve dug up in addition to that.” Tony Stark’s supposed to be smart, but apparently not enough to keep it quiet that Barnes had killed his parents. “Add that to whatever he’s experienced before this, and we need to win this case.”

  
There’s a pinging noise of a new email. It’s the Winter Soldier files, plus notes,  _ and  _ in a good format for all three of them. The email itself promises delivery of the papers the next day, after Stark “kills a shit ton of trees” for them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't expect more chapters from the Daredevil squad's point of view, but hey, this was fun.


	11. The Night Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the night before Bucky turns himself in. There's a few quiet moments.

“Can you sleep?” Bucky asks. 

“Right now? Or in general?” This feels concerning. 

“These days.”

“It depends on the night.” There’s no way Bucky hasn’t heard him on bad nights. They don’t talk about it, either of them. Sometimes Steve’ll ask if Bucky slept okay, but he’s careful. Bucky had once snapped that he talks to his therapist enough about his shitty dreams, so just leave it, okay? He’d seemed a little desperate, and Steve had recognized Bucky trying to test whether there was an actual boundary present or if Steve would push his way past it. He gets it. It’s personal. 

“Okay.” That seems to satisfy him, though Steve’s pretty sure that Bucky’s still sitting on something. 

“Could…could I sleep on the couch tonight? Or on your floor?”

Yeah, that doesn’t instantly make him concerned or anything. Because Bucky’s room is the safest of safe zones for him. They’ve worked on establishing that, and it’s something that he picked up very quickly. People may enter, but only with permission, and never when he’s not there. Steve’s not sure that Bucky believes that the last part of that promise actually happens, but there’s only so much trust to go around. “I mean, yeah, sure. Whichever one.”

“I don’t mean - I’m sorry - it’s not that important.”

Ah. That’s the choice gumming up the works. “I think the sofa might be more comfortable for you,” Steve suggests. “Um, though if you’re up to it, you could sleep in my bed with me. It’s big enough we could probably get by without bumping into each other. It might help. Both of us. Because you’d know that I’d wake up and I’d know that you’d wake up. I don’t want to force you. Just an option.” Which, now that he’s said it, might be the opposite of helpful. Bucky doesn’t need more choices than he had before, if it’s already an issue. 

“We did that before. When you were sick.”

“Yeah we did.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

Steve should ask if this is what Bucky wants, instead of something he’s capable of, but he’s getting the idea that the choices tonight are going to be very limited. And he doesn’t want him sleeping on the floor. 

“When would be good?” 

Bucky shrugs. “Earlier. More chance of getting sleep. I have to be up in the morning.”

Which, Steve thinks, is probably why he asked about this. Because Bucky’s going to jail tomorrow, and the life they’ve started making isn’t going to be the same anymore. He’d explained his meeting with the lawyers to Steve when he’d gotten back and Steve had fumed a little, but there really wasn’t any other way.

“Okay, I’m gonna say in maybe half an hour?”

Bucky shrugs again. Steve’ll take that. It’s better than him freezing up when asked a question that he doesn’t necessarily know the answer to. Things have gotten so much better, and Steve is so fucking scared that all this is going to take it all away. 

Bucky leaves the room quietly. He reappears in just under half an hour, changed, hair down.

“I’m ready,” he says, which sounds more like he’s about to walk into the police station than just sleep in Steve’s bed. 

“You don’t have to do this if it makes you uncomfortable,” Steve points out.

Bucky nods and then frowns, which is usually the face he makes when he’s trying to figure out how to word something properly. It’s not that he struggles with speech - sure, he’s a lot quieter than Steve remembers, but he doesn’t have an issue with languages most of the time, and he can speak easily enough when he wants to. It seems more like he’s very concerned about saying things the right way the first time. 

He finally figures out what he’s going to say, it seems. “It...would be better - for me. If I did. As you said, one of us will wake up. And you will be there.”

Fair enough. Steve gets the implicit message of the statement, and nods with a smile. “Sounds good. Come on.” Bucky has always treated Steve’s room the same way that Steve treats Bucky’s, which is nice, really, but far less necessary for him. 

* * *

They get all arranged, and it’s nothing like back in the 20s and 30s and 40s, but Steve’s made his peace with not getting that back. Yet or ever. Maybe he hasn’t entirely made his peace with never getting that back, but he’s waited on Bucky for a long fucking time. He can wait as long as he has to. 

It’s quiet for a long time, but Steve hasn’t been able to fall asleep properly for a long goddamn time, so he’s still awake when he hears Bucky shift.

“Thanks,” Bucky murmurs. “For everything.”

Steve doesn’t feel like there’s any answer that encapsulates how much he loves Bucky and how much he’d do for him. Wait - that’s false. “Till the end of the line,” he whispers. “I’ll always mean it.”

“Yeah. Till the end of the line,” Bucky replies quietly, turning away again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter brought to you by me absolutely forgetting about 'til the end of the line' for an entire day. Steve's experience matches my own but on a smaller scale. How the fuck I forgot about such an iconique line is an absolute mystery to me, but that's just how it goes.


	12. Here We Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets arrested. Jail's going to be difficult.

Steve goes with him. He really shouldn’t have, because they’re trying to make this as low key as humanly possible. But at least he’s the one driving, which means he has to drop Bucky off a block away from where he’s supposed to meet the officer that’s supposed to be helping him with things. Steve gives him that concerned look that he wears half the time. 

“Uh, good luck, I guess?”

Bucky snorts. But it’s not like he knows what the fuck you’re supposed to say in a situation like this. “Thanks.” He should have just slipped out in the morning and waited however long, because now he’s feeling emotions too. He sighs, a short sound. “It has to happen.” Who is he trying to convince? 

After he gets out of the car, he waits till Steve drives off to make his way over to the agreed meeting point. He does it the way he was supposed to - quietly. No one will have noticed him. He gives the officer a heart attack when he turns around, but it’s probably the last opportunity he’s going to get to take any amount of pride in his abilities. 

The cop recovers fast enough. “I guess you’re Barnes?”

Names in general still feel strange. The only one that feels right, truly right, is when Steve calls him Bucky. He doesn’t mind James. It doesn’t fully fit, but it works. Bucky nods. “Yeah.”

“Alright, uh, well, I’m gonna just assume that you’ll do fine getting in the car on your own.”

Bucky nods, gets in, hears the man grumble about Foggy owing him. Makes sense. Bucky, even with his new arm doesn’t look particularly approachable. He’d tried. He really had, because he didn’t want to look sad and bedraggled and angry when apparently the eyes of the world were going to be on him. He doesn’t like that thought at all. He’s spent so many fucking years avoiding gazes, blending in, not being a person, that the prospect of people seeing him as a person instead of scenery scares him. Just because he can access all of his memories doesn’t mean he can move past them. Quite the opposite, actually. 

* * *

The cop’s quiet during the drive and Bucky doesn’t try to start a conversation from where he is in the back. When they get to...wherever they’re going, he walks in behind the officer. There’s a flurry of motion, and oh, yeah, Bucky’s going to start sliding back. They don’t restrain him, but it’s only because Mahoney vouches for him, says he turned himself in.

He’s allowed to sit in an office for a while. He can see out. That’s good. He can see people making phone calls, looking at him. He remembers the lawyers, extradition, Stark, spies. HYDRA. They will come. They will all come, and he will be purposefully powerless to stop it. He never had a choice before. Why would he have one now? 

They had a meeting, he thinks, while he was away in that room. A leader of the group has emerged, and it’s not Mahoney. But he’s doing his best to keep the situation reasonable. Bucky watches them all. They know it. They know he’s dangerous. That is fine. They would know in the end.

They take his prints, on his flesh hand at least, and if he wasn’t on autopilot, he would have joked about them trying to take them from his metal one. But he’s retreating, back to the little room at the back of his brain where he doesn’t have to feel what’s happening to him. 

“- be kept till charges are drawn up. Do you have some kind of lawyer?”

Fuck, Bucky’s going to fall apart if he doesn’t pay attention. He should have been listening. He should have been present. Fuck. He will get through this. This isn’t even going to be the worst part. He’s had worse things happen to him. It’s just a change. It’s just change. That’s all it is. He’s supposed to be getting used to that. This is just an exercise, a test.

“I do,” he replies. “I have their number.” Keep this above board, don’t mention Mahoney. No shit - he’s not going to be mentioning anything, with the effort it takes to say anything. 

He’s allowed to call them. He gets Karen, tells her that he got arrested. She says something that’s supposed to be calming, he thinks. He hears it, doesn’t have anything to say, just tells her to pass the message on. He can do this. He hasn’t even seen a jail cell yet. This isn’t the hardest part. He has become weak. This is fine. He will be fine. 

Once that’s over, they take him to a cell. He sits. He considers the cell. It isn’t bad. He could live here. He has lived in worse places. Just because it isn’t where he’d choose doesn’t mean a thing. He doesn’t have the luxury of choice anymore. That’s all. It will be simple. He will do what he has to do as long as he has to. 

Bucky does not rest. He cannot close his eyes in a place like this. It is only for two days. He has been awake longer before. 


	13. Consultation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky talks to his lawyers and gets arraigned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warnings - just be aware that Bucky is dissociating a little at the end, but it isn't described in detail.

It takes almost the full 48 hours, down to a couple hours, to get things settled. 

Murdock seems irritated by this. This isn’t hard for Bucky to read, given that he explicitly states it for everyone to hear. 

They’re in the same room that Bucky waited in almost two days ago. Murdock had let him sit first, holding Nelson still for a moment. It’s probably a nice gesture, but all Bucky wants is to be able to keep an eye out for attacks. He’s calmed down admirably, but that’s only because he’s running on no sleep and isn’t quite all there. Those two things aren’t linked, but they interplay wonderfully. 

Murdock sighs as he sits. He keeps himself very controlled, and Bucky wonders where he lets himself be dangerous. There’s the effects of fights on his body, the way he holds himself. He’s trying to hide it, but Bucky’s paranoia is through the roof at the moment. He can’t miss it. “So here’s the situation - the government called in a prosecutor of their own the  _ moment  _ you got arrested. They dug through all available materials, apparently. That’s why it took so long to get the charges actually filed.”

That makes sense. It’s all available. He watches. Nelson doesn't say anything about that. 

“You’re being charged with murder, battery, arson, burglary, threatening an official, obstruction of justice, and treason. Multiple counts of each. The prosecutor was nice enough to keep his list to only felonies, probably because the list would look absolutely ridiculous and there’s no point in trying to argue that you should be tried for misdemeanors when you’re already facing fifteen felony murder charges.”

Nelson continues this time. “So, like we discussed before, this is a lot. This is pretty much what we expected. Not that that makes you feel better, probably, but we are working on handling it. You’re going to have you arraignment, where you’ll get those charges read to you officially, and they’ll tell you your rights, and you’ll enter a plea. Which is what we’re here to talk to you about.”

“Guilty?” That’s the only thing he can think of. He did those things. And then he did more, because he doesn’t think that HYDRA wrote everything down, doesn’t think that the Russians wrote everything down, that the Germans did. 

Murdock frowns a little. “No. I would highly advise against that. It is, in the end, your choice, but you do  _ not  _ want to enter a guilty plea. The  _ only  _ way we’re going to keep you out of prison and out of the hands of the  _ several  _ other nations who want your head is to prove that you were held against your will and forced to carry out these actions. I don’t want to say that this justice system is better, because it’s certainly not. But - people will take their cues from the way this one goes and act accordingly. The only way you have a chance of going back to your life before this is if you plead not guilty and get a fair trial.”

Bucky’s not sure if anyone’s briefed Murdock on his relationship with being able to choose. It’s true that he’s not currently perceiving Murdock as someone with power over him, which is the big problem when dealing with Steve, for example, but all the same, he doesn’t  _ know. _

“But I’m -”

Murdock nudges Nelson, who holds up a hand. “I’ll remind you that you need to be careful about what you say.”

Of course. Bucky’s an idiot. He’s not sure if this is Nelson telling him that the room is bugged, or just a general warning. “Of course.”

That gets a nod from Murdock. “Remember, you’re considered innocent until proven guilty. I am not saying that you should say you’re completely innocent. However, a not-guilty plea simply means that you did not commit the acts you’re being charged with in the way that they are written here. We aren’t arguing your innocence. We’re arguing your inability to be counted as the only one responsible.”

Bucky likes that. There’s a reason he told Steve and Stark he liked Murdock, and this is one of the reasons why. 

“Okay. Not guilty.” He would have said that after Murdock said it was necessary. He doesn’t have it in him to argue. If this is what is right for him, this is what he will do. He wants to go back to Steve. That’s the only thing he can focus on right now. 

“Oh, also -” Nelson is a very earnest person, Bucky thinks. “If you have any questions about this, we’re here for that. Uh, Stark’s paying us a whole lot. So. Ask away.”

“Thank you.” It’s all he can think to say. He doesn’t know where to begin with questions. “I’ll try.”

* * *

They proceed to arraignment. 

Bucky does have to be restrained for this, for reasons that he doesn’t care to ask about. Murdock and Nelson object, but Bucky doesn’t care. He’s dangerous. He could break the cuffs, without caring about the damage it would cause to his flesh arm. There’s a little bit of confusion concerning his metal arm, for obvious reasons. The cuff clacks against it when he moves. That isn’t good. He’s not supposed to make noise when he moves. He’s bitten almost through his lip by the time they get to the courthouse, trying to keep from completely shutting down.

Murdock and Nelson explained the process to him, and Bucky’s thankful that he essentially has to just nod along to the whole process. Apparently usually, he’d be just part of a line of people, but given the nature of his case, he’s gotten stuck in some room far away from the crowds and prying eyes. 

The hallways are quiet once they get up to the proper floor, and that helps. There is less to listen for, and he can focus on moving quietly. That helps. He manages it, manages to understand that he’s about to go stand before a judge and listen to a litany of crimes that he committed. This is what he deserves. He wasn’t ever going to escape justice, whether it was from Tony Stark, HYDRA, or the federal government. 

His lawyers accompany him in, taking seats as Bucky stands before the judge. They had told him that she was decent. He wasn’t expecting kindness, and he expects that he will not receive it. 

There are other people there. They’re agents. He knows their type. He ignores them without ignoring them. They are dangerous, but if they kill him, they will have to kill everyone in the room. This is not how it would go. 

The judge reads him his charges. It feels like it goes on forever. He sees flashes of them, of so many of them. Memories haven’t hit him like that during the day for a while. Nightmares are normal, but he hasn’t had to pull things like this for a long time, therapy excluded. Time shortens. He acknowledges the charges. He acknowledges his constitutional rights. 

“Your lawyers have discussed your situation with me, that you’ve been going to see a professional and that you have undergone surgery recently to remove a device from your body. I have been informed that you have proved not to be a threat in the time since the events in DC. However, given the severity of the charges, I cannot in good faith allow bail to be posted. You will be returned to jail after this hearing. Given the circumstances, you will be protected and kept apart during your time in custody.”

His flesh hand is shaking as he acknowledges that. 

He is given a date for his hearing. He will be there. He cannot leave. 

He is barely there as he is escorted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been a little quiet lately, but I'm getting ready to move abroad in a little over a week, so it's been a Time(tm). That being said, I've been working on the story and it's starting to come together more. Still couldn't say how many chapters it's gonna be, but definitely at least 24.
> 
> Also, after this, the actual legal details are going to get a lot more vague - I don't have a ton of time to do specific research, and really this is all about Bucky, who is not going to enjoy any of the process, so there you go.


	14. Slip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's life in prison begins. His lawyers visit and try to figure a thing or two out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: dissociation, feelings of powerlessness, sensitivity to touch

He loses time arriving at the jail. He doesn’t know how they came or how long it took for them to get there. His breathing quickens. They do not notice. He knows how to keep these things quiet. The body still functions, even if the mind does not. 

Things crystalize again when they speak to him. Processing will not go smoothly. The arm counts as a weapon. He does not have his tools with him to remove it, though he knows how. They will not give him tools. He explains to them the tools needed and walks them through it. There are hands on him, men hovering behind and in front of him. It is only the mercy of the universe that he is sat on a plastic bench and not a metal chair. They touch him and he does not want to feel that but he feels it all the same. They do not hurt but their mere presence is pain that he can never forget. 

The arm is removed. This one is light, but he feels the lack of it all the same. It is not a part of him. Just a tool. Only a tool. Not his. Nothing is his. They take his clothing. He folds its for them. They liked that, before. Neatness. Having to do less. He is issued new clothing. It could be worse. He hopes they will not freeze him - that’s wrong. This is not a facility capable of freezing him. 

There is confusion as to how to properly restrain him, given that he only has one arm. It is decided ankle chains and one around his waist that is attached to his remaining arm will do. They are not too tight. This is nice. 

They take him to a cell. It has a bed in it. A blanket. This is a kindness. He will not be allowed to exit the cell without a guard. That is understandable. He can live here. He will lose his mind, but his body will be functional. They remove the chains. They leave. The door shuts and he is alone. Alone is both safe and not safe. Alone allows him to pretend that he could be a person. That he does not have to be ordered around. But orders exist to keep the world working. That is not entirely true. He does not know what he is supposed to think. 

He loses more time. His lawyers are here. They put the chains back on. They touch him, hands on his arms taking him places. They do not hurt. This is not a punishment. 

He does not know how to be a person in this moment. He does not know what kind of questions they will ask. 

Murdock. The dangerous one. He speaks first. He usually does. “How are you doing, James?”

He’s not sure how much of James is there, is accessible. He doesn’t know how to answer. He feels like he is barely seeing the two men. But he has to give an answer. It is required. 

“James?” Nelson. Soft. 

“Yes.” It’s not a person-answer, but he’s only half there. That is what they call him. 

“Are you okay?” Nelson looks concerned. Half-Bucky tries to school his face into one that’s more like a person. 

“Yes.” No. They will be watching and listening. He’s being careful about what he says. 

Neither lawyer looks convinced. 

Murdock doesn’t push the issue. “You’re going to have your hearing next. The judge will decide whether there’s enough evidence to proceed to trial. As you can imagine, the prosecutor will be bringing up evidence from Washington, so I doubt she’ll find a reason it shouldn’t. The prosecutor has not asked to settle at this point, which we hadn’t really expected. That date will be forthcoming. I’m going to try and make it happen as quickly as possible.”

Certainly. Sure. 

“Can you indicate to me that you’ve heard and understood?” There’s some steel there. 

“I understand.” That’s an easy one to do. He can say that. He’s not sure he fully understands, but he understands enough to function. 

They discuss some details, him giving short answers, whatever they ask of him. 

“Is there anything you would like? Or need? We’d have to clear it, but you can ask.”

Can he? Bucky tries to pull himself out of the fog. He wonders if this is a test. Things have been good. Maybe this is an excuse - but this is Murdock. He isn’t - he doesn’t. He’s not part of things, the way things are supposed to go. 

“I write,” he says. “A journal. Please.”

Nelson makes a note. “It might be a little tricky with writing implements, but I think we can get you paper and  _ something.  _ Especially since you apparently aren’t allowed your prosthetic.”

“They said it was metal. Not allowed.” It  _ is  _ metal, something that got cooked up by Tony. 

“James?”

“Yes?” He thinks that’s him. 

“Has anything happened?”

Bucky goes through what he can remember and shakes his head. “No. They have been...they have done nothing.” They took his arm, but that’s supposed to happen. They moved him around, their hands on him, but that’s supposed to happen. 

“He doesn’t look alright, Matt,” he hears Nelson say. It’s probably supposed to be quiet, but Bucky has very good hearing. “Like, he hasn’t looked okay this whole time. He’s kinda...off in space, I guess.”

Murdock makes a noise of acknowledgement, leans slightly forward, towards James. 

“Barnes. We’re working on getting your friends visiting privileges. Do you want them to see you?”

He has -? He has Steve. Who was small and now is big and who he almost killed and who cried because of him. Does he have a choice? He doesn’t have a choice here, in this place. He doesn’t know what to answer. They might suffer for this. “What will they do to them?” he asks, because if this is going to go badly, he might as well go along with it. 

Nelson frowns, and so does Murdock. 

“Uh,” Nelson starts, and Bucky can tell that he’s not sure what’s happening. “Well, they’ll have to go through a metal detector and sign in and out.”

“Because of me,” Bucky says, the fog not necessarily going away, but...moving a little. This is important. “What will they do to them because of me?”

“The only thing they could do,” Murdock says, calm as ever, “is deny you visitors on some ground, which would probably be bullshit. The jail will not do anything to them should they come visit. As your lawyer,” here he gives a quick smile, “I’d advise you to see them. You can refuse visits if you’re ever not feeling up to it, too. But something familiar can be nice.”

“Okay,” Bucky says. “They can come.”

“How are you feeling, James?” Didn’t Nelson already ask? “The only recording devices here are cameras, if you’re concerned about that.” How does he know? “You don’t have to tell us anything, but Foggy tells me, if you’ll excuse the rudeness, that you aren’t looking well.”

Bucky lived for a long time with no way to complain, lived with torture, blood, death. He can get past being told he looks like shit. That’s probably something he should know. But what can he tell them? What will they change? Situations like this - he has no power. He -

“I don’t know,” he says. “I didn’t know - they - it’s a lot like before, but -” he adds hurriedly - “they aren’t making me do anything. They don’t hurt. It’s not - They’re treating me well.”

He sees the face that Nelson makes at that. 

“I don’t need anything. I don’t - it’s not - I can manage -” now he’s thinking about things being taken away, spiraling down into something that he doesn’t want to examine. “You don’t have to do things for me - I can’t - they aren’t hurting me.” He stares down at his hand, still chained to his waist. 

“James,” Nelson says gently, “can you take a few breaths?”

Bucky knows this. He does. He nods. 

“Good job. Keep breathing while I talk. We’re going to bring you what you asked for, because you wanted it. Not for any other motive than just doing what you want. Okay? We’re going to get your friends to see you, because familiar faces will be good during this trial. It’s not going to be easy, but you don’t have to endure it all alone. And if there’s anything you need or even just want, we are quite literally being paid to make sure you get everything you are entitled to. Is there anything?”

That’s a sneaky question. “I have...a psychologist,” he says. “Can she visit?” He remembers the conversation with Sam about finally getting help. 

“I think we could manage that,” Murdock says. “It may take a little longer, but it would probably be possible to contact her over phone if it comes down to that.”

Bucky nods. “Thank you.” It’s the least thing he could say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dissociation: Bucky's mind isn't really all in the present for the first half of the chapter - he's not entirely aware of what's happening to him and he's running through old memories.   
Feelings of powerlessness/sensitivity to touch: these are connected - Bucky's having flashbacks to his captivity, and so he's imagining the hands of handlers on him, which was something he couldn't object to in any form or fashion. This happens in the paragraphs "Things crystalize again" and "He loses more time".


	15. “I’m Fine” Is Now Banned So You Fucks Can Stop Avoiding The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Sam and Steve interlude. Feelings are discussed, just a little bit.

Steve’s doing his best. That’s really all that can be said here. He is Fine with a capital fucking F, which essentially means that he’s going through the motions and trying to get away with as little sleep as possible.

It doesn’t help that he no longer has the structure of SHIELD to keep him busy. Too bad it turned out to be riddled inside and out, all the way to the top, with HYDRA. He’d thought they were gone, that he’d left them in a past century. Maybe he’d hoped that. He should have probably been more realistic about that. 

Either way, Steve’s just fine. 

Sam invites him for dinner. Steve is mildly suspicious, but he’s happy enough to distract himself from Bucky’s absence. 

* * *

“How’s your job going?” Steve asks, because he feels guilty for losing Sam his old one. 

“It’s pretty good. Similar to what I was doing before.” Steve doesn’t wince, but it’s a close thing. Sam doesn’t sound at all like he’s trying to blame him for that, but the guilt’s still there. Steve’s good at that shit. “I’m really starting to get settled into a routine, and getting to know the people I see on a regular basis. It’s nice. I mean, blowing up shit with you was pretty fuckin’ great, but I guess I’m finally starting to get old.” Sam is nice and doesn’t make a joke about Steve’s age. It feels better when he does it than Tony, but he’s in some sort of mood today. “You know anything about what you’re gonna be getting up to?”

Steve shrugs. “I kinda blew up my old workplace, so I don’t think I’m gonna be welcomed back there,” he says with a half laugh. “And I think the Avengers are kinda on hold at the moment. As far as I can tell, at least. I’ve just been...kinda trying to work things out, I guess.”

Sam nods. “And now that James is gone, you got nothing to work out, right?”

Steve sighs. “Yeah, pretty much. Just waiting around for now.”

“You hear anything about him from those lawyers?”

“No. I wasn’t sure if I could ask. Not really sure how lawyers work. 

Sam looks at him, considering. “You might as well see what you can get from them. Even if they can’t tell you a lot, it’s probably worth it.”

“Yeah, I should. Should probably update my knowledge on what lawyers are like. Wasn’t really involved with that kinda thing back when I was young and getting into shit.”

Sam grins at him. “Steve, I hate to break it to you, but you’re still young and getting into shit. Call them up.”

“I probably should, ‘cause I’m wondering if I’m gonna have to talk in court. I want to since otherwise no one’s really gonna be talking on James’s side.” He almost slips and calls him Bucky, but he catches himself in time, rolls with it. 

“I think if they’re willing to believe that James really is your James, you’re gonna get called. Either that or because you fought him back in DC.”

Steve probably should’ve thought about that. “Makes sense.”

“Yeah. It’s ‘cause I mostly know what the fuck I’m doing.”

Steve  _ has  _ to smile at that. It’s good. Doesn’t cut through the guilt and the emptiness that’s been chasing him, but it’s one good thing. One good thing is better than one bad thing. 

“There you go,” Sam says in response to that. “You done anything fun lately?”

Steve has to really think about that. He’s not sure. He can’t really remember things well since Bucky got arrested. “I don’t know. I think I’d feel guilty if I did.” There. Sam can’t complain, because at least Steve’s taking stock of his emotions. 

“I’m gonna make you do something fun this weekend,” Sam tells him. “Like, low level shit, nothing you have to get ready for. But I swear to god if you’re burning yourself out, man, I’m gonna tell James and he’s gonna break out of prison to kill you himself.”

“Yeah, alright,” Steve mutters. “Can we not talk about my shitty life?”

Sam nods. “I mean we could, if you had anything going on for yourself besides that. But we can try.”

“Thank god Natasha’s not here,” Steve says, trying to bring a little levity back. “The two of you together’d be all on my back and I’d have to actually change my ways.” He’s not sure the joke hits. 

Sam gives a little snort. “Yeah, maybe so. You’re fuckin’ stubborn, though. Don’t doubt yourself.”

“Sorry,” Steve says. Sam glares at him. “What? I’m telling you I’ll do better. And I feel bad for only talking about my shit, even when I’m also telling you I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Sam shrugs. “It’s fine, man. It’s taking up a lot of your life right now. But I’m telling you, you’re gonna do something this weekend.”


	16. Heard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pre-trial hearings continue. Bucky floats through the mess of his current life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warnings that I can think of right now, but Bucky's mind isn't in a great place at all.

The next hearing goes about as expected. Bucky is present, in some way or another. He’s paying attention. He has to. There’s no other way to survive. However, being in survival mode means that he can’t think the way he’s been learning to. He can’t think like a person. But he knows how to act. He knows how to pretend. He’s blending again, acting like he’s just a part of a scenery. It doesn’t work as well when he’s the point of focus of all this. 

And so he’s jumpy the entire time. It doesn’t show the way it might on someone else, but he thinks that Murdock can tell. That puts him a little more on edge, but he’s got to assume that Murdock’s not the enemy he needs to deal with at the moment. There’s so much more to be watching out for - the police, the people watching all of this that he’s never met. It’s the government. It’s HYDRA. Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s neither. He doesn’t really know. He watches the men with guns foremost, but not only them. 

It should be said that this is all alien to him, in so many ways. Sure he remembers before HYDRA, but with everything that’s happened, it’s hard to really think about that. So the memories he has most access to are of having no autonomy whatsoever. And here he’s a person, being represented by people for things that he as a person has done. 

He likes Murdock, and Nelson, too. They balance each other well, he thinks. And they’re both good lawyers, as far as he can tell. They both tell him what not to say, even though this time he also wants to throw himself on spikes because that’s what he deserves. He deserves what the prosecutor wants from him. He can list deaths and deaths and deaths and torture, and blood. Whatever they want. Whatever anyone wants. But his lawyers tell him to proceed the way things are supposed to go. 

To not throw away his future. 

After the hearing, Bucky expresses some opinion on his standing within this whole thing and Murdock gets...not dangerous. But he’s like Sam, who becomes tenacious, unwilling to let something go until Bucky has said that he’ll get working on it. Bucky agrees, maybe quicker than he normally would, but fighting back against something like that is so much harder. So he shuts up about how guilty he is and is taken back to his cell. 

They got him paper and a pen, and that helps. It can only help so much, but it’s a little bit of reality that seeps through the grey of being behind bars. Seeing things on a page means they happened, because he knows he wrote them, most of the time. He’s allowed to have it, of course, but Bucky still hides the sheets of paper once they’ve been written on. He’s very careful about it. Though he’s confined to his cell almost the entire time, he still has concerns about who might be looking. Because he knows HYDRA. His memories are as perfect as someone who’s had major brain trauma can be. He knows how tenacious they are, how insidious. They’re here somewhere, because no matter what people have said about the events in DC, they’re still here. He killed as many as he could, but they’re still here. He wonders if that will get brought up. The bases are burnt long ago. They weren’t supposed to exist. He figures he’ll find out. He writes that down in a code he remembers from a long time ago. 

And that’s how the days go. Bucky loses a lot of time that he can’t get back. There’s no clocks here, not that he can see. He was trained for that, has the rhythm of a day beaten into his mind. But when he loses it - dissociates, he thinks - he can’t always tell. It scares him. This is prison, he reminds himself. That’s how it’s supposed to be. He’s being punished, and he deserves it. He thinks that he could get through this, but only if it doesn’t last forever. 

He shouldn’t want things, but he wants. He wants to see Steve. He wants to be better. He needs to be punished, but fuck does he want things he knows he doesn’t deserve. 


	17. Visitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets some visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little bit of depersonalization at the end - Bucky's lost his sense of his old self.

There will be some time before the trial, they tell him. This is normal. Things are moving pretty quickly, if only because everyone involved wants to get this over with so that the world can move on. According to the lawyers, the world is watching now. Not just the country. And by that they mean, the people, of course. The governments had been watching from the beginning. Bucky’s wildly intrigued by that for some reason - that some people would actually care. He writes that down afterwards, but more importantly that day they tell him that Steve and some others have been allowed access. He’ll be allowed to speak to his doctor, too.

Bucky writes that down as well. And then writes a list of things that he should probably tell her. 

* * *

He waits a lot. Being in prison has not gotten easier, no matter how many days he’s been here. 

* * *

But then one day, he is told that he has visitors. He has a choice, the first real choice he’s had in a long time. He doesn’t freeze up, not completely. It feels life or death. So he makes it. He says yes and hopes he won’t regret it. 

* * *

It’s Steve and Sam. Bucky doesn’t know how to act. They feel out of place here. He’s supposed to be far away from them. This isn’t a place that they should see, even if he knows that they’ve both seen worse than a simple prison. He knows what Steve’s seen. He doesn’t fully know what Sam’s seen, but he knows that he saw what Bucky did to the bases. But still. They shouldn’t have to be here. 

But they’re here and he said yes to this, so maybe that’s just his fucking brain trying to decide things he doesn’t actually believe. Who knows. 

Everyone sits down, and Steve looks sad about both his lack of arm and the chains that he’s wearing. It is what it is. 

“How’s it going?” Sam asks it, probably because Steve looks a little overwhelmed. 

Bucky attempts to dredge up his personality from where it’s sort of sunk to the bottom of his brain. “Could be worse,” he replies, because that’s all he’s really got there. “It isn’t bad here.”

Steve still looks unhappy. Bucky doesn’t know if he can fix that. 

“You getting everything you need?” Still Sam, but Bucky figures that of all of them, he’s got it the most together. 

“Yes.” He gives a ghost of a smile. Steve attempts a smile back. “It’s a lot of sitting and staring at the wall.” Steve loses whatever semblance of a smile he’d had. “Which isn’t all that different from what I’d be doing anyway.” Sam smiles at least. 

“I’m sorry I got you into this -” Steve finally says something.

“Nope,” Sam cuts in. “This is a visit and I think it’s better that we don’t talk about who’s guilty of what.”

Bucky might understand that. He talks about that sort of thing with his lawyers a whole lot. 

“I’m happy to see you,” Steve says instead, with a small smile. 

“It’s nice to see you.” Bucky wishes they could touch. There’s something about Steve that brings out wanting in him. Maybe it’s the familiarity. Maybe it’s the remembered love and the new love all layered together and mixed around. “How are you two doing?” He doesn’t really feel better, per se, but he feels like the jagged pieces of himself are slightly closer together. There’s less self bleeding around and mixing into the dark water of his trauma. “Is he moping?” That’s for Sam.

“I’m right here -” Steve protests. “And I’m doing fine.” Yeah, ‘cause Bucky believes that. 

“I’m doing pretty good,” Sam replies. “Settling into a new job. It’s pretty similar to what I was doing before, just up here, ‘cause there’s no way Steve’s getting rid of me now. Or you for that matter. Makes my family happy too, and that’s a pretty good bonus.”

Bucky nods. “That’s good. Sorry to -” Sam raises a hand. 

“Same rules apply to both of you assholes, okay?” Bucky and Steve nod. “I’m keeping an eye out for him,” Sam continues. “Someone’s got to while you’re away.” Bucky doesn’t think that he’s ever going to come back, but it’s nice to Sam to keep things optimistic. 

“Again,” Steve says. “I’m right fuckin’ here.”

“Oh, it’s Captain Brooklyn talkin’ now,” Sam says with a grin. “I’m embarassing him for you, man,” he tells Bucky with a conspiratorial tone. 

Bucky can’t help but smile, and he can’t help but notice that it makes Steve smile as well. 

“Good. Keep it up.” Because it might be Steve and Sam again, when he gets locked up forever. 

“Why the fuck did I ever introduce you two?” Steve asks to the heavens. The heavens are deafeningly silent on the matter. “But since you asked, I’m good. I’ve been dealing. I miss seeing you, but I’m trying not to let it be too much.”

That’s quite a large amount of truth for Steve “I’ll get through it” Rogers. Bucky’s proud or something. “That’s good. Don’t mope over me,” he says. “You don’t gotta be like that when there’s nothing you can do about any of this.” Maybe Bucky does buy into some of the thought that maybe this isn’t either of their faults. Mostly, it’s just not Steve’s. 

* * *

Steve comes back, too. Sam’s not there this time. Visiting family or working. Bucky can’t keep it straight in his head. He’s missing a day somewhere and it eats at him. He hasn’t been able to call his psychologist yet his week, he thinks and he’s losing things. Himself, his mind. He says yes to the visit, even though he’s out of it because nothing’s helping, and Steve might. He needs something to work and this is close to last-ditch. 

“Do you miss him?”

Steve looks even more concerned than before, if that’s even possible. “What?”

“The me that was before me.” Who knows where Bucky’s sense of self has gone. “Do you miss him?”

Steve stares. Bucky stares back. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I miss home because I didn’t get to see it again, but when I thought you were dead, I didn’t know if I could miss home, because it wasn’t like I was gonna be able to see you there again.”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say. But he asked for this. 

Steve keeps going. “I miss you now, though. I miss having you around and you being there. You’re going to win this trial, and if you don’t I’m gonna figure something out.” He sounds desperate. Bucky wonders how he looks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters? In one day? After I said I was going to be doing one per day? owo what's this? Well, it's mostly because I'm going to be busy moving for the next week and I'm definitely not going to be available on Monday.   
Another fun surprise is - from this weekend on, I'm gonna be in CEST/CET (Central European Summer Time / Central European Time) for approximately 9 months, so definitely expect posting times to change for the rest of this fic.


	18. Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests, the trial gets started for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I return and post - it's Wednesday for me - so probably best to not assume a specific posting time at this point.

The trial starts eventually. Bucky’s missing two and a half days when it does. Or so he thinks. He’s really not sure.

There’s sun out. It streams in the windows as he’s walked through the building to meet his lawyers. The guard will stay, but they get a moment or two with him before things start. It was deemed acceptable to do that. 

Nelson moves around the room, while Murdock sits by him. They explain some things, but mostly let him sit there and breathe. That’s nice. 

It’s opening arguments today, he’s told. He won’t have to say anything - he’ll just have to be present and accounted for. Bucky will be physically present, at the very least. 

When the time comes, he’s lead down another short hallway to the courtroom. He has to look out into it, because there’s people there. He needs to scan for threats. There’s so many people, bustling around, and he doesn’t get that good of a look before he’s being told to sit down, his chains clinking a little as he does. 

Bucky leans to Murdock as people start to settle down in the courtroom around them. “You are dangerous,” he says, making a soft  _ shhht  _ when Murdock goes to speak. “They will come for me. Today, tomorrow. Sometime. They will not have planned for you. Transport is always risky. I do not want to go back.” And then he leans away, sitting up again. Murdock is turned to him, considering, Bucky thinks. Hopefully Murdock will understand. Hopefully this isn’t as terrible of a gamble as it seems like. He doesn’t have much hope, but if he’s going to channel it into anything, it’s this. He doesn’t want to go back. 

Instead of the arguments themselves, Bucky listens to the rustle of the courtroom behind him. It’s freaking him out, not knowing. And he just knows that someone is watching him. Well, okay, they’re all watching him, but someone here sees him and is keeping track. 

He hears Murdock stand, which means that the prosecutor must have finished. Bucky missed that entirely, but he thinks he knows the argument. Bucky is guilty because he must be guilty, because he committed crimes, because he did not stop. And now he has the gall to be afraid? To want to protest that he might have preserved even one shred of innocence? Bucky knows the argument, because he should play that role here. He could prove his guilt better than anyone else could. 

It’s hard to lose this train of thought. He talked to his therapist for an hour over the phone, and he tried. He tried and she tried, but he doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through this without standing up one day and asking the judge to please end it right now. End it and send him away, kill him. It’s what he deserves. 

He doesn’t deserve soft things with Steve. He doesn’t deserve getting used to touch that doesn’t hurt him. He doesn’t deserve being able to write down his thoughts because he doesn’t deserve to have thoughts. Maybe HYDRA was right, keeping his mind from him, because this guilt is killing him. He told her that he wasn’t feeling suicidal urges that he wanted to act on, and he was telling the truth about that, but that doesn’t mean he’s stopped focusing on what he deserves and the potential punishments he should get. 

It’s bad and he knows that it’s bad, but he doesn’t know how to make it stop. Things were better when he talked to Steve and Sam and the doctor, but that can’t last forever, and he just ends up back in a cell with only his thoughts around him. 

Murdock sits back down by him, argument concluded. Bucky doesn’t look at him, glances at the jury for a moment instead. 

They stand, some other things happen, and then it’s the end of the first day of the trial. Bucky missed most of it, but that doesn’t really bother him at the moment - mostly because he wasn’t present for it. 

“That went smoothly,” Mudock tells him as they wait for things to clear out - it’s easier to transport Bucky that way. “There’s not much we can do about the prosecutor’s argument, but there weren’t any curveballs. Things are proceeding, and that’s all we can really hope for.” Bucky nods. 

“Thanks.”

And then Bucky goes back to his cell and his thoughts.


	19. Courtroom Sketch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some snippets from the trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you weren't aware, some courtrooms don't allow cameras in them for varying reasons and there is a person who creates sketches of the trial, showing discrete moments that can be published in newspapers etc - that's where the title comes from.

They start showing evidence, calling witnesses. Bucky tunes much of this out as well. It’s become a habit. His true mind stays locked away, and he evaluates the people he can see based on the threat levels he’s been taught. 

They say terrible things, describe the helicarriers falling. 

But that can’t last. They’re going to call Stark, they’re going to call Steve, and they’re going to call Sam. And they’re going to call him. 

They won’t let Steve and Sam visit until after they’ve completed their testimony. Bucky figures they should have thought about that from the start, but he’s not going to suggest time travel to change that. 

* * *

Bucky decides to be mentally present for some of what Stark is saying. 

“Mr Stark, do you believe this man killed your parents?”

“I know he did,” Stark says. “I’ve seen the tapes of it.”

“And you would say, under oath as you are, that it was James Barnes that did it?”

“The Winter Soldier did it. So yes, the body of James Barnes did that, but I met the guy and he told me I could hurt him for it, so I can’t really - yeah, but -

“Just answer the question, Mr. Stark.”

“He did it, but I don’t think his head was all there.”

Bucky has no idea if that’s well received. He’s still shocked that Stark hasn’t done anything to him. 

“And knowing what you know, you still made a new arm for him. Why?”

“Yes, I did. I was a prisoner too, you know. Maybe not for as long, and I’m not gonna say that I get it, ‘cause I don’t. But when the first thing a guy says to you is that you can kill him in retaliation, you’re going to take it into account that maybe his head’s been messed with a little. I did it because his old arm was legitimately tearing his body apart and I didn’t want to be the guy who let him suffer. I can handle my own grudges.”

Bucky wants to cry. He doesn’t. 

* * *

Steve is, predictably, all emotion. Well - a lot of emotion. He’s doing his best, clearly, to try and make this go without tripping up. 

“He’s my friend. He’s been through so much.”

Bucky doesn’t roll his eyes. He should probably believe that Steve’s speaking from the heart, but he’s a little afraid to. 

“Do you think he committed these crimes?”

“Yes.” Steve looks uncomfortable. “But I don’t think he wanted to.”

The prosecutor looks annoyed, but takes it in stride. “Why do you say that?”

“When he came in, he said he didn’t want to kill people anymore. That he was done, essentially. So I don’t think he ever wanted to kill or do what they made him do. I also read his file and it’s horrible what they did to him. It was torture. It was straight fucking torture.”

He gets cautioned for the swearing and the animation, but that’s just Steve. 

* * *

“Do you think he’s dangerous?”

Sam gives a short, sharp smile before answering. “I think he’s just as dangerous as any POW that comes back these days. Anyone that comes back, honestly. Maybe he’s had more training than most, but as Steve said, this man isn’t trying to hurt anyone. So I think he’s capable, but I know that he’s trying very hard to improve his life.”

“I’ll repeat the question.”

“I would not call him a clear and present danger. My answer is no. I’ve worked at the VA and I see what’s happening to people there and I see it in him. Do you want to call everyone with PTSD dangerous?”

The question doesn’t go down well, but Bucky watches the jury. That might have made an impact. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be looking for. 


	20. Boom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon typical violence

Bucky is loaded into the back of a vehicle. He recognizes the guards, but this means nothing. At this point, he is simply expecting the attack. It will happen. And what can he do? Running risks his trial. Not running risks going back, risks losing everything. Both options are similar in many ways. 

There’s an explosion, the truck ripping open. He recovers from it faster than any of the rest of the guards - the ones that are still alive.There should be nothing he can do, not when he’s chained the way he is. One armed. Bleeding. But he’s strong. All the same, breaking chains would be easier if he had his prosthetic arm.

Ironically, though, they trained him for this eventuality. He guesses they never really thought he’d break out of their control. 

When one of the HYDRA team gets close enough, he lashes out with his chain. He knows how to handle this situation. The man dies. They trained him and they took his memories, but now he has both and he will fight. He will fight if it means tearing out the throat of every single operative that makes the mistake of getting close. 

Did they think -  _ did they think  _ that he would lose all his skills? Did they think he would become useless without them guiding him? Maybe now isn’t the right time to have an epiphany, but Bucky is everything they gave him and more. Another man dies. He’s a wild beast. This is what they feared. This is what they carved out of him. He bares his teeth as more rush closer. He’s angry, he thinks, somewhere in his mind. He doesn’t know if he can keep it down. 

So there’s two dead, but surprise can only do so much. 

The rest of the team regroups quickly, actually coordinating an attack. This poses a little bit more of a threat to him. But he wants to be free, and they haven’t tried to kill him yet. This gives him the advantage, even if he’s at a major disadvantage. They get blows in on his undefended side, and it hurts, but he knows pain. He hits out, he tears flesh, feeling the blood covering him - both his and from the others. 

But then. But then. 

He was a silent fighter. That’s how they taught him. The others make noise, but there’s a break, and he

And he - 

Seen from outside, if news cameras could have made it in, they would have seen James Barnes fall like a puppet with snipped strings. They wouldn’t know the static in his mind, the lack of feeling, even as his body hits the ground hard. There’s nothing there - that’s what a kill switch is supposed to do. 

The HYDRA team rushes on him, knowing that there’s only so much time before people try shooting at them. They should be past the era of cyanide pills, but they’re not. Not when any casualty is a risk and two more heads grow to replace one that’s cut. 

HYDRA’s seen and trained one type of fighter. They’re not prepared for a very different one appearing almost out of nowhere. 

Ability to manifest aside, there’s not much that compares with the Soldier. It’s to their disadvantage. But then again, who would have thought the Devil would come to James Barnes’ rescue. In broad daylight. The papers go mad the next day, as many words as possible - blurry footage. Most of them ask why. Why would the Devil of Hells Kitchen come out for this? What did he know? The Devil is darkness and alleys and gunfire. Not this. 

Whatever his reasons, Daredevil fights his way through the squad. It’s not the same as the gangs he’s dealt with before, but he’s broken enough bones to know how to punch above his weight. 

The police show up too. Bucky hears the sirens as he slowly comes back to consciousness. He can’t really move, not until Murdock’s done with the men around him. He’s limping when he comes over to Bucky, clearly having taken more of a beating than he displayed to his assailants. 

“I can’t stay,” he says. 

“That’s fine.” Bucky will manage. He’s good at lying still and letting people manhandle him. “Thank you.” He almost says that he’ll see Murdock later, but he doesn’t want to push the issue too far. 

So he stays on the ground until there are men yelling at him to get up, get up and then they’re pushing him around, guns everywhere, and he does not resist. He does what they want, stays still when they want, lets them push him and keep him in a hold that they think he can’t break. It’s more of a  _ won’t _ , because he’s so much more trained than they are, but Bucky doesn’t want to die and he doesn’t want to go back, and isn’t that a bit of a moment of clarity. The blood on him is tacky and drying. 

A van shows up, and Bucky recognizes two of the guards in it. This is slightly reassuring. They let up the hold so he can be cuffed and taken back, but Bucky’s gone beyond the point of being uncomfortable. He’s floating the way he was when he first entered prison, and he can’t stop it. It takes hours in the cell for him to get anywhere near able to being able to pick up his pen and dig out his paper. 


	21. Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of torture, medical torture, flashbacks, panic attacks, reactions to touch.  
All of this occurs within the first two parts.

They didn’t hurt him. In fact, once he was back at the jail, the guards he recognized were reasonably gentle with him. The police hadn’t been, but those bruises will heal. 

He says something about healing quickly, but they take him to the infirmary all the same. 

It’s metal and white and doctor’s coats and gloves and Bucky absolutely one hundred percent cannot fucking handle it. They lead him to the bench or whatever it is and it’s cold and it could be metal and there could be restraints but they don’t need restraints because he’s been trained so well that he’ll sit there through almost anything they want to put it through. 

He doesn’t resist because resisting means that anything that might be considered good will be taken away and the Asset doesn’t want that to happen. Bucky wants to eat and to sleep and if he resists them they’ll take it away and he’ll feel himself starving and he feels it again and again because he did things that required punishment and his bones got broken all of them every single one again and again. 

What doesn’t happen is that they hurt him. In fact, he’s bandaged up and the blood is wiped away. Bandages over wounds, but all Bucky knows is that there’s tears on his face and he can’t quite breathe. But he can’t do anything about it. He just stays still and lets it happen around him. His mind is nowhere at all - all he can think about is not doing anything wrong. All he can think about is the fight. He still has words in his head. He doesn’t know what to do. They stopped him. They stopped him and maybe they could start him again, undo all the work that everyone put in and he wouldn’t be able to make it stop. 

The doctor and the guards and whoever is there don’t comment on the tears. He’s not really thinking about it, but if they had, who knows what he would have tried to do. 

They take him back to his cell, all bandaged up. He’ll come back for a check in a few days. He sits on his bed. They didn’t take it away. They feed him. He shivers. He eats carefully, trying to identify poison. They did that before. Long before. Never in this prison, but he’s all fucked up between what time and where he is. 

He sits there, waiting for orders. And he sits there. 

Right. This is prison. He’s a person. He might be a person. 

* * *

The trial is briefly put on hold while the situation is assessed. 

Bucky doesn’t see the sun for that time. He realizes that he misses that. He realizes that he misses Steve. All this after coming out of the fog from being retaken. 

Steve can’t reach out and touch him. Bucky wishes he could. But it’s not allowed and Bucky would probably have a panic attack if the guards had to come grab him. He hates it when they touch him. Because he can’t tell them no. Sure, sometimes he understands it’s coming and he’s okay with it. But half the time he’s only half of the way there, and the half that’s there knows that he can’t fight. This is very much like it used to be. Too much so, even. And so he hates it, when he has the capacity for it. 

* * *

Bucky stays in his bed a lot of the time. It’s a familiar action - there’s a reason his room at Steve’s is so sacred. Sometimes all he’s got is the energy to be the blanket lump formerly known as James Barnes. It’s not safe here, because they know where he is, but being just a guy under a blanket has to be good enough. 

* * *

Nelson and Murdock come by, and Bucky knows he looks like shit. But they’re gentle about it. Bucky wants to speak to Murdock alone, but here is not the place and now is not the time. 

Much of the delays stem from trying to increase security. They were able to take some of the HYDRA agents. Most of them bit down on that cyanide capsule once awake, but apparently one lived. That’s a separate case, though. Murdock tells him that they can’t give much thought to what he may or may not let slip because it likely wouldn’t be allowed in as evidence, though it may be brought up. 

“There’s some footage that came out of the attack. It shows you restrained and it shows you cooperating.” Bucky barely remembers all of that. 

“What does that mean?” He really doesn’t know. Is that bad? Is it good? He doesn’t know. They already knew where he was, so that can’t be the issue. 

“It’s turned a decent amount of public opinion in your favor, to be honest. It won’t be able to affect the jury, supposedly, but it may have some effect on the judge or anyone else, and it may help. It’s not something to be counted on, but it’s one decent thing to come out of it.”

Bucky nods. “Okay. That’s fine then.”

“I’d like you to know that if the other side brings it up in court, I  _ will  _ be mentioning the excessive force used to restrain you. Just so you’re ready for it.”

He nods again. “That’s fine. It wasn’t too bad. The cuts healed.”

“It looks bad,” Nelson says. “And we need as many people to look as bad as possible. This is one more, even if you’re right and it wasn’t really on par with what the HYDRA agents did to you.”

Murdock tilts his head towards Nelson with a little smile. “We’re not trying to drag anyone through the mud, even if that’s what Foggy’s saying. It just might help with some of the arguments.”

Bucky shrugs. “If it works, then you might as well use it. I won’t say you’re wrong, if that’s what you’re asking.”

* * *

The trial starts up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: Bucky thinks about having his bones broken, he has flashbacks about the medical torture he went through, he's having a difficult time with touch because he can't tell the guards to fuck off, he's depersonalizing back into the Asset for a moment.
> 
> Anyway an update on my life - moving to a new country is hard! I'm stressed! But things are moving along fine as far as I can tell.


	22. The Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's testimony. There's no way out but through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of allusions to Bucky's time with HYDRA. He talks about brainwashing and their tactics of keeping him following orders, so be aware that there's mentions of all that, even if there's no outright descriptions of it.

It’s his turn now, to have people ask him things. 

* * *

“Did you want to carry out these acts?”

Bucky, very honestly, doesn’t understand the question. “I don’t understand.”

“Did you ever want to resist orders - did you want to do the things they told you to do?”

He frowns, thinking about it. He wants to tell the truth, but he doesn’t know how to say it. “I - I didn’t understand wanting until recently,” he says. “I wasn’t a person. They told me I was a machine and I believed it. Weapons don’t get a choice. I knew that I had to tell my handlers when I required food - when it was possible that I would collapse. But I didn’t know what wanting was. I had to follow orders because that was how the world worked. I  _ couldn’t  _ want to resist. I did resist, early on when I was still a person, but there was always punishment.”

“Sergeant Barnes, are you aware that ‘just following orders’, as established at Nuremberg is not a viable defense?”

Bucky’s up to date on a decent amount of history. He knows now. “Until the events in DC, no, I was not. I was not aware that the war was over. I didn’t remember that there had been a war. I read about it recently.”

“That may be, but the fact remains that you are claiming that you were just following orders.”

There’s a beat. “Objection,” Murdock states. Bucky tunes out that discussion. He’s trying to retain all of his sanity after all. 

“Did you knowingly carry out these acts, aware that the right decision would have been to refuse?”

Bucky blinks, trying to unravel the question. “I don’t understand. I knew what I was told to do and I knew that I could be decommissioned if I resisted. That was all I knew. I lived for the mission and in between I was frozen.”

“Please answer the question, Sergeant Barnes.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know how to think for myself beyond the tactical training that stayed no matter what they did to my head. I didn’t know I had options.” He bites his lip, trying not to get too intense, trying not to be baited into anything. 

“So you’re saying that you had no agency in any of this?”

“Yes.” It feels like a lie, but it’s the truth. 

“So you think you should be absolved of -” And there’s another objection. The questions continue. 

* * *

Murdock told him that this was going to be rough. 

“Please look at the image, Sergeant Barnes.” Bucky - oh fuck it hurts - lifts his eyes to what’s being projected on the screen. He remembers. There’s visceral fear there. What do they want?

“Describe this for us please.”

He’s shaking. He destroyed them. He destroyed them. He clings to that. “It was -” he has to clear his throat, make his voice loud enough to be heard, even with the microphone. “It’s the chair. They used it to wipe me.”

“Can you describe that?”

“Wiping made everything start over again. I didn’t know anything when they did it. They put things in my head - uh, they programmed me. They used technology that I don’t understand and it taught my brain things. At some point, they figured out how to keep basic functions as well as some training while getting rid of everything else.” 

He’s no longer looking at the chair and he isn’t made to look back. 

“So when you went on missions you had to undergo the chair?”

“Not every time. I could last up to four missions, depending on the length in between, before they needed to wipe me.”

“And why did they need to wipe you?”

“I showed aberrations. Uh, malfunctions. They could be anything. When I fought back against something. When I had thoughts that I wasn’t supposed to have.”

“Would you say, reading the definition of brainwashing in front of you, that this counts?”

Bucky casts his eyes over the paper. “Yes.” He doesn’t like saying these things. HYDRA treated him okay some of the time. 

He wants to throw up. He doesn’t. The questions continue. The jury gasps sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky thinking that HYDRA treated him okay is probably actually a step forward - he's not actively defending them and their actions, which he probably would have done a whole lot earlier. That's not to say he's right, but they were the only people keeping him alive over the years so he's got some sort of attachment. Not quite Stockholm Syndrome at this point, but maybe the vestiges of it. Anyway I love him very much.


	23. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial ends.

“- it is our argument that Sergeant Barnes was both a prisoner of war from 1944 onwards and was brainwashed. As laid out by much precedent, his status as POW does not absolve him of his crimes, but it should mean that he should not have to face legal penalties in addition to the emotional and psychological penalties that he is already paying.”

Bucky only gets the latter part of Murdock’s closing statement. He didn’t get much of what the prosecution said, but he thinks the gist of what was said there marked him as a danger to society, as a continuing problem - look at the damage in Washington. 

As the judge tells the jury about how the verdict works or something like that, Bucky’s mind starts to grind gears that haven’t turned properly in a long time. He’s not sure why he’s got the sudden clarity in his mind, but it’s there, and it occurs to him that he’s the scapegoat for DC. That’s all he is to the US Government. If they put it all on him, then they don’t have to talk about how SHIELD was entirely compromised. It’s already out there, but if he’s the real cause of it, they can write exactly the story they want to write. Maybe it’s lost skills from when the Russians let him have a brain coming back, but it hits him. He doesn’t react to that, in fact misses the jury fucking off somewhere, but holy shit. 

They take a long time to deliberate. A long fucking time. Good thing Bucky’s good at waiting. He’s practically a professional at it by this point. 

They come back eventually. This will determine a lot. He knows that. He’s expecting guilty. The prosecutor had some good ideas. 

“We find him not guilty of all charges.”

Bucky sits there. There’s something wrong with his head. That’s not right. That’s not - he’s guilty. They said guilty, right?

But then Nelson’s turning to him with a big smile on his face as there’s murmurs from all around. “Congratulations.” He’s going to be free. The judge recommends that he keep up with his therapy, but he barely hears it. That can’t be right. They couldn’t -

He sits there, staring off into space. 

“I don’t understand,” he whispers. 

Murdock picks up on it. “You don’t have to understand why they made that decision, James,” he says quietly. “They made it and it’s final. You can’t be tried for these crimes again, and I don’t think anyone’s going to take you out of this country. That’s what’s important.”

He doesn’t know how Murdock can always tell what to say. “Thank you,” he says. “For everything.” The emphasis on everything should make it clear exactly what he’s thanking Murdock for. 

Murdock smiles. “I protect those who deserve it.”

It takes a moment, but Bucky gets unchained. He’ll have to go back to the jail to collect his shit, but for now, he’s as free as he’s been in a long goddamn time. Steve’s standing at the divider between the seating and the court floor, and Bucky turns without a thought, rushing to that divider and throwing his arm around Steve, head buried in his chest. 

* * *

They take him back to the jail for out-processing. Bucky’s more in control than he was when he came in, but it still jars him seeing the bars again. He collects the stack of papers from its hiding place, gets to change into the clothes he arrived in, gets to have the arm put back on. He knew that he’d lost weight, but it’s pretty apparent by how differently everything fits. Still. He’s legal now. That’s something to hold onto. His body will have to readjust to the weight of the arm, light as it is. He walks out, and Steve’s there. Sam’s there. Murdock and Nelson are there. It doesn’t really matter who’s there, because he’s rushing out to Steve again, wrapping both his arms around him, clinging on for dear life. Steve’s arms are around him too, after that initial moment of shock, and Bucky can feel himself crying. 

Steve’s hand is gentle in his hair, letting him stand there as long as he needs. Eventually Bucky recovers enough to be able to stand on his own. Steve hovers pretty close as he shakes the hands of his lawyers, thanking them as best he can. They both smile at him and wish him luck. Then he turns to Sam, hugging him as well. 

It’s a little bit crowded as they walk out - the press is there, but thankfully Steve’s big guy and manages to clear a fucking path as Sam yells at them. 

They get to the car, even if Bucky’s feeling a bit shaky after running that gauntlet. 

“Natasha’s at Steve’s,” Sam tells him. “Just wanted to let you know so you aren’t surprised when you walk through the door.”

“Okay.” Bucky’s still shaky. 

“We won’t stay for long,” Sam continues. “I just wanted to make sure you could get through that mob okay, and also someone had to hold Steve back from shouting things in court. You know how he gets.”

He smiles weakly. “Yeah, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I start my job ~tomorrow~ and I'm a little bit ~nervous~.


	24. Afterparty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky comes home

Natasha is indeed waiting for them in Steve’s apartment. She smiles at Bucky. “Congrats jailbird, you’re free.”

She’s always been gloves off, and Bucky really has to smile. It’s still a bit of a mask, but he’s trying hard. “Thanks. Who’s after you today?”

“No one for now,” she says. “I’m sure someone will try to stop me, but, well, my win-loss record is pretty clear.”

Sam was right - neither him nor Natasha stay too much longer after that. Just long enough to make sure that him and Steve are settled, and that food for them has been ordered. Bucky’s thankful for that. Steve getting up off the couch to get the food feels like there’s a chasm between them. Once they’re situated again, he leans on Steve as close as possible as they eat. 

“I missed you,” he says. He knows he’s getting dependent, but fuck, he missed Steve so much. 

“I missed you too,” Steve says, setting down an empty container so he can reach for Bucky’s flesh hand. “Every day.”

Bucky rids himself of his plate so he can properly lean on Steve. “Me too.”

“You’re here now though. As long as you want.”

“Till the end of the line,” he murmurs. 

“Till the end of the line,” Steve echoes. 

They stay like that for a long time. Eventually Steve sighs, not like he’s tired or anything, but more like he’s about to stay something. Bucky knows exactly what kind of idiot that man is, so he cuts him off before he can say anything. 

“Don’t you fucking dare say anything about this shit being quiet or peaceful or relaxing or I swear to god, I’m going to brain you with my fancy fucking arm.”

Steve laughs long and hard, Bucky eventually joining in. This feels right. They calm down eventually, and Bucky feels everything creeping back in. 

“Could I sleep in your bed tonight?” He might as well get it over with. He knows he’s going to have nightmares and he’s feeling selfish. Steve’s warm and he’s  _ there  _ and he won’t stop the nightmares, but things will be better. 

“Of course. Whenever you want, honestly.”

That’s a little too much for Bucky to deal with right now, so he ignores that offer. Steve might understand that, so he doesn’t push further. 

* * *

“You might not sleep much tonight,” Bucky warns as they’re getting settled later. “I’m sorry.”

Steve shrugs. “I don’t want you to worry, but I think even if you wake me up it’ll be better sleep than I’ve gotten for a while.”

“Fuck you,” Bucky says, flopping down. “Now I really am gonna worry about your sad ass. Did Sam give you what for?”

Steve lays by him. “Yeah, he did. Made me do things with him.”

“Good. You’re an idiot. Should’ve stayed with him while I was gone if you were gonna be like this. Don’t say you didn’t want to bother him.”

“I won’t.”

* * *

As predicted, Bucky doesn’t get a ton of sleep, but he was right. It’s a lot better with Steve right there. He feels better with Steve there to touch him gently. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a day early. I'm going to be away in another city for orientation tomorrow, so this is the easiest way to do it.


	25. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to resolve.

They get a few days together before anyone comes to visit. By anyone, really Bucky means Sam. At some point, Steve gets up to try and make some food, and Bucky turns to Sam. It’s been a rough few days, but Bucky’s managed to stock up some courage to ask. 

“They have a kill word for me. It still works. That’s what happened when they tried to take me. How do I make it stop?”

“You may want to bring that up with someone who knows more about it.”

Bucky shrugs. “I know. I wanted to ask you first.” It’s practice, because he’s afraid to let that weakness show. 

“Okay. With that in mind, my only thought is really that you’ll have to figure out some way to neutralize it. Like, have someone you trust try it until you can stand it.”

He shudders. “I’ll ask her,” he says, looking worried. “I don’t know if I want her to do it.”

“You can tell her that and I’m sure she’ll have some way to figure it out.”

Bucky nods. “Okay. Thanks. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, man. It’s a pretty reasonable question, I’d say. Just wasn’t expecting it, and believe me, I’m not the expert.”

“Yeah, you’re the expert on fuckin’ taking care of idiots.” His voice is a little louder now and there’s a  _ hey  _ from Steve in the kitchen. 

Sam shakes his head with a smile. “Don’t I know it. With what the two of you -”

“Hey -” Bucky interjects. 

“- yeah, you too, asshole. You two make me thankful for what the people I see on a regular basis do. Jesus god, you two are menaces.”

“Since 1930-something,” Steve calls from the kitchen. 

Bucky’s only vaguely sliding back into normality, but he has to laugh at that. 

And then later that evening he tells Sam to call him Bucky. Sam changes his contact name in his phone right then and there - not to anything normal, but apparently the weird-ass nickname he had in there needed updating. 

* * *

Later that night, Steve drops kind of a big bomb on him. 

“Do you think we should tell people that we’re - that you’re my -”

Bucky’s soul starts to exit his body, so he’s able to finish Steve’s sentence for him. “Boyfriend? If you want to.”

“Do you want to, though? I don’t want to force anything, and it could all go bad. I don’t want to lose Sam or Natasha or anyone.”

Bucky shrugs. “I don’t think Natasha will care.” He’s trying to break this down into small portions. “We could. You aren’t afraid of what people will say?”

Steve sighs. “I am. I really really was, but then I thought I might lose you again, and at this point, I think I’m okay if we have to go live on a farm in the middle of nowhere and start over again.”

“I don’t think it’s gonna come to that,” Bucky says. He’s feeling in control of himself for some reason. Maybe this means he wants to. “We can tell them as it comes up.”

“Okay. I just don’t want to ruin your life.”

“As if you could do worse than the government and HYDRA. We should do it. I want to do it. We can take them.” He feels like he’s done hiding this. Maybe it’s the fact he figured he was going to be in jail for the rest of his life. “I don’t want to tell the world, though.”

“Fuck no.” At least they’re on the same page there. “If it comes up, I wouldn’t deny it, but I’m not going that far. Just people we know for now.”

“Okay,” Bucky says. “We can tell them.” Maybe it’s just that he wants to be as close to Steve as possible right now, and answering that question for people would make that possible. Maybe it’s because he and Steve are making a choice about privacy, which is something that Bucky hasn’t had in a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good things! Good things!


	26. Open Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things continue to go well.

Sam gets told on a day that starts very badly. 

Bucky wakes up and he can’t stop shaking, can’t stop crying. He doesn’t always know why these things happen - sometimes the nightmares that cause this like this manage to slip through his mind. That’s his theory. Maybe it’s his brain healing too. 

It’s not a great start. He makes himself get up. He makes himself get dressed, and his clothes still hang on him loosely. It’s not like he can borrow anything from Steve, who’s about the same size as Bucky used to be. He gets dressed and then he sits on the floor of his room, nothing around him, and cries some more. Memories pop up and he knows he  _ should  _ be crying about this shit. It’s bad. 

He pulls himself up two hours later. Steve should be on a run by now - he takes long ones, temporally speaking, even when it’s just laps around a park. It means he can open the refrigerator and shudder at the cold without worrying about anything. It doesn’t always bother him - opening the freezer is much more of a gamble, but things are wrong today. He digs out an apple and sits by a window to eat it. It makes him tense and the apple tastes wrong, but he’d rather feel like he’s about to get shot than like he can’t feel the sun on his skin. 

He’s allowed to leave the building, but that feels like a risk he can’t take today. He might lose himself and he doesn’t want anyone to see him. He finishes the apple, and though he knows he hasn’t eaten enough, he doesn’t think he can choke down anything more. He sits on the floor in the main room, where the sun shines through onto the carpet. Steve’s teased him, calling him a cat, but it’s good. He sat like this before he had his mind. It’s important. 

He sits there, and it’s not much longer until Steve returns. He says hi, says that Sam might be coming over, if that’s okay.

It’s probably not, but Bucky will manage. So he says that it’s fine, knowing that if he pushes himself too far he’ll get a lecture from both Sam and Steve, and Natasha will probably find out and be mean to him in Russian. 

* * *

“Are you sure?” Steve asks about an hour before the scheduled Sam arrival time. 

“Yeah.” He knows he’s being quiet. He knows that he wants to go to his bed and lay there and let the tears come because he only has so much control. But Bucky also wants to get through this goddamn fucking day like it’s a decent one, like before going to fucking jail fucked him back up. His therapist has continued to say that anger’s good. It tires him sometimes, but she’s definitely right. He didn’t have it before. 

* * *

Bucky makes it through dinner, through Sam and Steve trying to pick a movie. 

He forgets for a moment, because his brain is scattered, and he flops on Steve - something that’s new. Steve used to be too small and delicate for that, even if he insisted it was fine. Bucky is pretty sure that he used to think he might break him. 

Sam looks over, raises an eyebrow. “You get yourself a new blanket, Rogers?”

He feels Steve’s muscles tighten, his breathing increase. Steve definitely wasn’t as sure as he’d presented himself to be when they’d had that conversation. If Bucky could see his face, it’d probably be deer in the headlights. So Bucky decides that he’s going to 1. make a choice and 2. get this shit over with. 

“I think I’m entitled, us being, how do you kids say it these days, a thing,” he says. Steve makes a choking noise and Sam laughs for a moment before turning back to them. 

“Well, thanks for telling me, I guess I stand corrected.”

“You do,” Bucky says, satisfied. “Or you would if you were standing.” He’s not sure what’s giving him the energy for this, but it may be adrenaline or the fact that he’s pushed himself so far already today that he might as well do this. 

Sam looks incredibly done. He’s quiet for a moment. “I did wonder, a little.”

“Sorry we didn’t say anything earlier,” Steve says, sounding worried. Maybe he doesn’t sound worried to Sam, but Bucky has that knowledge deep in his mind. 

“Steve Rogers, you have so much shit you should probably apologize to me for, but this isn’t part of that. I’m happy for you two, now shut up, Bucky, how long do I need to rewind this?”

Bucky, ever the obedient keeper of time, replies. “Seven minutes,” he says, leaning back on Steve, who seems to have calmed down. He doesn’t dwell too much on the moment after that. He has other shit for his brain to do. He can take Sam. He can’t do much about his brain.


	27. Shovel Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha gets told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter!

Natasha’s much the same way. Well - not the circumstance.

She’s in town, back from doing...whatever it is she’s doing these days. Bucky doesn’t bother asking. If she’s not advertising, she’s not advertising, and he doesn’t need to know. Steve said once that she was considering doing Avengers stuff, but Steve hasn’t really been doing Avengers stuff, so Bucky’s got no idea what’s going on there. 

What happens, is she walks into the kitchen, after Sam lets her in, looks at them, and then stares Bucky down. “How long?” she asks in Russian, effectively cutting the other two people in the room out of the equation. 

“Depends,” he replies. “We were like this before. And then when I came back, we got back around to it. Not right away, though. We’re being careful. He knows too.” She’ll know he’s talking about Sam. 

She hums, and nods. “Alright. I approve.”

He rolls his eyes at her, switching back into English. “Thanks mom.”

“You’re old enough to be my father or my grandfather, depending on my birthday,” she replies, which gets an eyebrow raise from both Sam and Steve. 

She points to Steve. “You. You will die if you do anything to him. Got it? Great. What are we having?”

Steve looks a little shellshocked, turning to Bucky. 

Bucky smiles. “She asked. I keep taking your spotlight,” he says a little sheepishly.

Steve pulls him closer. “You can take some of it. Believe me, I got enough to last me.”

Sam laughs. “I can’t believe you got the shovel talk, man.”

“I believe it! I’m not gonna -”

“We know  _ that, _ ” Bucky says. “He’s laughing because I’m a big strong man who almost killed you already.”

“Yes,” Natasha deadpans, “A big strong man I don’t want to see eating ice cream and crying on my couch.”

“I do plenty of that on his already,” Bucky tells her, smiling. “You don’t gotta worry.” His New York accent comes out much more when he’s comfortable, when he’s feeling like a person again. He doesn’t know if he can he’s feeling like himself, because he’ll never be the kid he was, but he’s making something out of his life now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late - I got sick, but things are going better now :)
> 
> As far as I know, I don't have any plans to continue this, but who knows. Might do oneshots or something in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> I spellcheck with google docs and google docs alone, so please feel free to point out anything weird that I may have missed. 
> 
> I'll be posting this M/W/F


End file.
